Category Archives: First World Problems

First World Problems

Having an abundance of cheap lobsters, making lobster rolls for the second time in one week, but then forgetting to segregate the shells in their own trash bag. #MorningAfterRegrets.

First World Problemos

You arrive at a restaurant a bit early for a 7:30pm birthday meet-up with your Friend. Is this place Argentinian? No, it’s Peruvian. You promptly park yourself at the bar and order something with a hot pepper in it. Because.

“This place is kinda fancy. Hey, wait…are we eating dinner?!” you think to yourself.

“Hmm, it’s not super full, so fine either way.”

Restaurant immediately becomes super full.

Friend arrives at 7:30pm. You were the first, so you get Prime Seat at table. A table for 12 people. No clue how many people were invited and/or are attending…. Continue reading

First World Problems

http://bowtielaw.wordpress.com/2010/05/13/uncovering-esi-20-search-term-tips/When you learn the outcome of an episode of a show you regularly recap before actually seeing it, based on the search terms that have already brought readers to your website.

Meta.

First World Problems

Going to the convenience store and being able to find only 2 magazines devoted to the new movie release of The Hunger Games. And when the cashier looks at you strangely, without missing a beat, you assure her the magazines are for your daughter…that you don’t actually have.

First World Problems

Having such an abundance of fresh organic produce (kale, spinach, carrots, etc.) that you decide to throw all of it into a blender, making a fresh, super-nutritious energy drink. Then you realize three days later that you are left with a juice that happens to contain cucumber + lemon juice + garlic. Yep that’s pickle juice. Can’t drink, toss.

First World Problems

Huge dilemma: Your favorite coffeeshop in NoHo opens a location just down the street from your favorite coffeeshop in the West Village!

And yes, Think Coffee has been open only a block from ‘sNice on 8th Ave since September, and you don’t know what to do there either.

First World Problems

Being really thirsty and refusing to buy the only drink available because it is labeled, “yumberry.”

First World Problems

The Swissotel at Art Basel now charges thirty-eight Euro for breakfast. Can you imagine?

Plus, the Ramada has an eight night minimum. The nerve!

First World Problems

Having an intense, philosophical, possibly relationship-ending argument about whether it’s OK to buzz the delivery guy (like cabbies, it’s never a gal) up with your order of Thai food (which is so massive that they’ve included extra chop sticks, passive-aggressively perhaps) or if you instead should say over the intercom, “I’m coming down,” before bolting down the steps to get the food that you…forced someone to bring to your front door.

First World Problems

When a cab driver recognizes you from an earlier trip, you act surprised but are secretly embarrassed. “Am I really this lazy?”

He asks whether you’re a doctor.

If only.

First World Problems

Your free taxi’s infotainment system malfunctions and continues to regale you with clips from “hit” NBC sitcoms, outdated weather reports, and GPS tracking of your trip. “Ugh, I need to Facebook in peace,” you think yourself, “don’t these people know how busy I am?!”

First World Problems

The perennial inner struggle between the desire to have fresh, nutritious, healthy, inexpensive, slightly exotic, and tasty asparagus versuses…having to smell your weird pee later on. Is it really worth it?

First World Problems

When you’re not let out early before a holiday, it’s extremely apparent that everyone who writes for your favorite snarky blogs were.

Ugh, sometimes you just wish you were unemployed, you know?

First World Problems

Going downstairs to the grocery store you live above to buy canned pumpkin to feed to your dog and finding they only have one variety, and it is $1.99. No thanks, Trader Joe’s.

First World Problems

When you just can’t think of anyone for that assistant to a the world’s foremost antique wallpaper panel dealer position you heard about.

First World Problems

When your $45 dollar Global knife breaks while cutting imported New Zealand grass fed aged sharp cheddar, obviously it’s time to upgrade to the santoku.

First World Problems

Ugh, I hate it when it rains on days I was planning on taking half of the work day to wander around galleries in Chelsea. Now what am I supposed to do?

First World Problems

Yes, Hulu, I’m aware that fans of Caprica are [93%] likely to also enjoy Battlestar Galactica. The far superior show that spawned it?! Gosh, stop trying to make my life easier, computers.

First World Problems

The seething, embarrassing anger you feel when you realize the caloric content of the salad dressing is actually rated for half the tub. What the shit! Thanks for making me feel fat, my apparently unhealthy salad.

First World Problems

Realizing that the Cinnastix™ you were embarrassed to order in the first place — though they were free — are still in fact as disgusting as you remembered. Quickly throw away.

First World Problems

Getting caught up on a show on Netflix that everyone says is amazing, of course agreeing, and then — upon settling into the normal weekly pace of the show — immediately realizing that it’s actually pretty terrible and definitely makes no sense.

First World Problems

Seeing Jessie Eisenberg on the street in the West Village but — having not installed the Twitter app on your smartphone yet because, you know, that’s beneath you — not being able to tell anyone how nonchalant you were about the whole thing.