RuPaul’s All Stars Drag Race: Episode 3 – Queens Behaving Badly

Only three episodes into RuPaul’s All Stars Drag Race, and already a few things are undeniably true: 1) The season is too short, and yet 2) The All Stars format doesn’t perfectly translate to the Drag Race pedigree. Sure, it’s been great seeing these ladies again, but I’m not finding each episode quite as thrilling as before.

Some self-awareness is obviously absolutely necessary for a drag performer, but there’s something more going on this season. It’s more than just awareness of being on camera. Is it maybe that they all want to continue to be in the good graces of Ru herself or else risk losing a place? Drag queens will always be drag queens, but anecdotally it feels like we’re seeing them more in more in print, TV, and online. Is RuPaul to blame/congratulate? But I digress. Let’s rate episode 3…

Drag-o-Meter Rating 1/5: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Nothing, Julie Newmar!

  • There are only 3 more episodes left…really? Dreadful.
  • Oh girl, what was Shannel’s messy streets of LA look? That wig was just awful, and I question the choice of black halter dress over black capris leggings.
  • Michelle Visage’s judging look is barf. It sent me into a seizure.

Drag-o-Meter Rating 2/5: You bettah work!

  • Jujube’s “butch” look is just her as a hobo. A hobo with really good brow lines, though.
  • Latrice rightfully points out that daytime outdoor lighting and drag queens do not mix. She right!
  • I wish Santino would just admit he’s balding, but something about this monk realness doesn’t bother me so much.
  • It’s sad to see Manila and Jujube battle it out. Can’t the Asian girls ever get a break on this show? Manila “accidentally” knocks Jujube’s painting off the All Star Wall at the end.

Drag-o-Meter Rating 3/5: [snaps!]

  • Yes, finally some one-on-one Pit Crew time, though all they do is walk out with cameras on silver trays. And wear Andrew Christian underwear obvy. Which now that I think about it, eww…gross.
  • Aww, Manila has a big picture of herself and Sahara Davenport in her pink locker. Sad face emoticon.
  • What are the chances that the show didn’t get a permit to film on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? I’d say no more than 20%. The props are “hidden” in a trash can, after all.
  • Alexis Mateo says hello to a Manila Luzon “impersonator” on the street. Now that is some meta shit right there.

Drag-o-Meter Rating 4/5: Heyyyyyyyy Girl!

  • The main challenge requires the girls to go out on the streets of LA to get strangers to do weird shit. Because? Because!
  • Raven spends most of the main challenge stuffing grapes in a homeless man’s mouth and dispondently calling people “bitch.”
  • Who is the intern who came up with all of this random stuff? Too many to count.
  • Yara Sofia’s mid-90’s Latina mall realness. Sí!
  • While waiting for the challenge to actually start, Chad hangs out onto the street from a light post. Like just cuz. He is a drag queen who had plastic surgery to look more like Cher. You know…just hooking it on the street no biggie.
  • This show is known for its offbeat choice of guest judges, especially in pairs. This week’s no different with Rachel Dratch and Janice Dickenson. Is there a talent agency specializnig in people who were famous 5 years ago? I kind of love them both, though. I bet they were thrilled to be on the show too.

Drag-o-Meter Rating 5/5: Sickening!

  • Manila photographs with a banana coming out of her jeans for the “butch look” challenge.
  • Jujube gets a total stranger to let her squirt whipped cream down his pants. He barely acknowledges any of it. It’s as if she said to a stranger, “hey, it’s a 4 pm,” and the stranger nonchalantly responds, “oh, yah, it is.” Whipped cream aloof realness.
  • Raven’s Harajuku 19th Century hooker look is so genius and flawless. The peekaboo red panties are maybe my favorite part. Plus her face is totally transformed and fierce.
  • Manila’s haute couture runway look is also killer. She should win for the stiletto fascinator alone.

Quotey Quote Quotes

“You looked like Tran Drescher” -someone referring to Jujube’s look in the second episode

“Chad Michaels looks like Burt Reynolds and Cher had a baby.” -Shannel

“Can I borrow 5 dollars?” “Um…not him.” -Jujube and Raven, after the former approaches an obviously homeless man

“Good from afar / far from good.” -Latrice’s apparent motto

“Little Raven is crowing.” -Michelle

“Chad is giving us punk rock Carol Brady.” -Michelle

“It’s the most frightening mobile you could put over your child’s crib.” -Rachel about Yara’s clothesline-inspired hair

“What was the hardest part [of squirting whipped cream down his pants]?” “His penis.” -the judges and Jujube

“Now Michelle, you believe in a simple hairline?” -Ru

“Your runway presentation was hairtacular, but your street performance came up…bald.” -Ru, regarding Yarlexis…and puns

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