SNL: Weekend Update Thursday

Will someone explain to me why Lorne Michaels decided to take the WORST segment of Saturday Night Live and turn it into a prime-time special?

It is my own fault for not reading the title correctly. I assumed this would be as it was four years ago — a smart, celebrity-filled countdown to the Presidential Election. I wanted Tina Fey/Sarah Palin  and Will Ferrell/George W. Bush. I wanted more fake commercials.

Even if the show was not 100% focused on the election, what a great opportunity to include previous “Weekend Update” alums onto the stage? I would even take some Norm MacDonald! He is still alive, right?

Instead, I was subjected to 30 minutes of Seth Meyers awkwardly recycling jokes from the Daily Show.

I usually like the interview format of the show, but tonight, there were only two!

  1. James Carville is not my favorite impression, and tonight Bill Hadar seemed to flub his line and get tongue-tied more than is acceptable.
  2. Drunk Uncle was the other guest, and I adore it. Drunk Uncle and Bobby Moynihan make me smile. There are such moments of insane brilliance. When speaking of airplane travel he simply states, “You know what my carry on baggage is?…Korea.”  While not the best Drunk Uncle, it was better than watching Seth Meyers make another sarcastic joke about an obscure news story.
After last Saturday’s enjoyable Premiere, this mid-week queef did nothing to make me look forward to this Saturday.

As  Bonus for all you SNL fans, I personally paused and documented the redaction and corrections from the “Fox and Friends” sketch. The whole list of fact-checked brilliance is here for your enjoyment.

  • The Bible was not a movie first.
  • Stalactites is not a childhood disease.
  • Vaginas don’t look like that.
  • Ron Paul is one person.
  • A dead person’s skull does not contain their memories.
  • Not all cats are gay.
  • The Atlanta Hawks are a team, not an infestation.
  • Allegra is not a religion.
  • Jeremy Lin was traded, not deported.
  • The sun and the moon do not high-five as they pass each other.
  • Iowa City never elected Mayor McCheese.
  • Ellen Degeneres never married a car.
  • Benedict Arnold was not a character on Diff’rent Strokes.
  • A wind turbine has never cut off the head of a pretty girl in a convertible.
  • The Tasmanian Devil is not the president of Tasmania.
  • Star Wars is essentially a work of fiction.
  • Al Gore never claimed to invent Nintendo.
  • Hawaii does not rotate every six months.
  • Neil Armstrong was not the first person to moon someone.
  • Oogielove is not a sexually transmitted disease.
  • They did not name Mars after the Mars Rover.
  • Monica Lewinsky was never in an internment camp.
  • Six comes after five.
  • Kin Jong-Un is not the CEO of Yahoo.
  • The Keystone Pipeline is not filled with Keystone Light.
  • Swiss banks are not “full of holes.”
  • Camp David does not have a sister camp called Camp Denise.
  • Rocky never fought Lassie.
  • The Russian national anthem is not the U.S. national anthem played backwards.
  • Latin Inches is not the Mexican metric system.
  • The Negro League is not “back and better than ever.”
  • You can’t outrun polio.
  • Angela Merkel is not a palindrome.
  • Al Jazeera is not the co-host of “Tool Time.”
  • Animal Planet is not an acceptable nickname for Telemundo.
  • Crabs don’t breastfeed.
  • The letters in “Massachusetts” cannot be rearranged to spell “same sex marriage.”
  • Old Navy is not one of the armed forces.
  • LIBOR is not a giant praying mantis.
  • Babies never “skip ahead” to being 10.
  • Marco Rubio does not play for the Timberwolves.
  • Left-handed people cannot read your thoughts.
  • Lobsters are not “ocean spiders.”
  • Cat Fancy is a magazine, not a man/cat dating website.
  • The U.S. Postal Service never released a Ke$ha stamp.
  • “F” is not a blood type.
  • Parsley is not one of the Spice Girls.
  • Usain Bolt is not a new action movie starring John C. Reilly.

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