Real Housewives of New York City: Season 5, Episode 3

Oh…girl. This show is a dis-as-ter. But I watch! I must watch! And with another episode of The Real Housewives of New York City comes another installment of BTYM’s Photoshop of Whores. As a reminder, the rules are:

1. Each housewife is described by a series of notes taken during a viewing of an episode.

2. The notes must be translated verbatim into the mockup, which I’ve decided this week will indeed retain all of the previous alterations.

3. A glass of Pinot Grigio is required at all times, both for me and for you.

4. New this week I’m instituting the rule that if you are too boring that you don’t elicit a comment, you’re getting a strike, and three strikes and you’ll be ejected from P-o-W.

Aviva

Notes:

Subway?
empty ass bar
husband no ring
rockin one leg

After a mild episode last week, Aviva really brought the crazy this week. Right at the bat with her insane split ends and confusion with how the subway works, I was hooked. She clearly has been around the block a few times. She’s unofficially crazy to the point that I think I saw the ghost of Alex McCord. I’m not saying the literally said, “and I’m rocking one leg,” but she might as well have. Lastly, facial yoga. WTF.

Carole

Notes:

“Steven Tyler is my drag queen.”
beer confusion

Carol also tried to dial up the crazy this week, what with the second mention of Steven Tyler. I feel like she is attracted to crazy, unlike Aviva who manufacturers her own crazy.

Sonja

Notes:

Italian count
sex and the city rip off

Sonja and her fur vest wearing intern also continued the crazy this week. She is clearly past her prime, touting her floundering business ventures (though, send me a 3-rack toaster oven review unit, natch) whilst remembering the good times with the “Italian count.” Oh, Sonja.

LuAnn

Notes:

fertile Myrtle

LuAnn was pretty tame this week, again. Her only truly bizarre scene was the one discussing her supposed fertility (at the age of 87) with her college-age daughter. I didn’t bother to look up “fertile Myrtle” and instead stamped a fertility figure in her womb. Check and done.

Ramona

Notes:

HSN wine

Ramona was also strangely absent this episode. What, she doesn’t have free time after her 3 hour work days? I imagine the producers are trying to feature the newer housewives, and Ramona will come back swinging later this season. She did have time to pimp her Home Shopping Network wine, and of course she littered the episode with sideswipe apologies, her signature.

The other one…Heather

Good lord is Heather boring. She is so desperate to be cool, and it seems she can’t invite people on trips without coming off completely awkward. Heather was so boring this week that I din’t note anything worthwhile, and for that she earns P-o-W’s first ever strike.

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