Real Housewives of New York City: Season 5, Episode 2

The Photoshop of Whores continues in earnest!

Well, not exactly in “earnest,” since this is weeks late, but in my defense watching this show is akin to very slowly sitting down on a frozen rat that is thawing at an equal pace.

On to the mockups!

Oh, and as a quick refresher from the initial installment of P-of-W, these be the rules:

  1. Each housewife is described by a series of notes taken during a viewing of an episode.
  2. The notes must be translated verbatim into the mockup, which I’ve decided this week will indeed retain all of the previous alterations.
  3. A glass of Pinot Grigio is required at all times, both for me and for you.

Aviva Drescher

Notes:

  • awkward kisstress

Aviva was comparatively normal this episode, and consequently her single “awkward kisstress” note adds only minor modification to her visage.

Carole Radzilwill

Notes:

  • hanger-on gay
  • Aerosmith
  • cougar

Sure, Carole is rather boring, but she’s also not the most insane person on this show. She’s obviously definitely trying to flaunt her realness here and there, what with a reference to “rockers” and such, but I kind of don’t hate her for that. Her Photoshop is representative of that: from the hanger-on gay to the Aerosmith wings — even the cougar-phallus — she’s sort of bad-ass?

Heather Thomson

Notes:

  • Jewish by injection
  • Berkshires = trying too hard

Heather describes herself as “unpretentious and real” right in front of her personal chef. She is trying way too hard to fit in on this show, which is sad on so many levels. We do not care about the Berkshires! At all! This lady is three shades of lame. I wanna give her credit for “Jewish by injection,” though I didn’t bother to look it up, and besides she made me look at needles, which I am deathly afraid of. No thanks, Heather.

LuAnn de Lesseps

Notes:

  • boots no matter what

Aside from being one half of what’s got to be the lamest fake fight in the history of the show (Ramona and LuAnn various arguing the other “threatened” herself), LuAnn remains in the sidelines. That doesn’t mean gurl doesn’t show up at an event decked out in her most fabulous boots. Oh no child, LuAnn needs no excuse to where boots…to anything…always…forever. Give her some credit for that.

Ramona Singer

Notes:

  • crazy eyes
  • spinny fingers

I don’t know how Ramona got away with not being labeled “crazy eyed” last week, since she has more or less patented them as this point. This week she doubled up with a serious pair of spinny fingers in her aforementioned confrontation with LuAnn. It was, sadly, still rather mundane. Anyone else get the feeling Ramona is overcompensating for the lack of other crazies — namely Alex and Kelly — but not quite measuring up?

Sonja Morgan

Notes:

  • Hurricane Irene devastation
  • aggressive cougar
  • GLAAD “amplifier”
  • Manila Luzon

Sonja is of course the best. Not just the best on the show. The best. She may have a toaster oven cookbook, and she may have been late to her own GLAAD awards acceptance, but she continues to get a pass because she’s so fun. I loved the Irene-caused window repair segment, even though it was ostensibly about water damage, because she took the opportunity to flirt with her handy man and make all sorts of “I’m a cutesy whittle sexy baby” faces. Above, I like to think Manila Luzon is not interviewing Sonja about Irene’s devastation but rather interviewing Irene about Sonja’s devastation.

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One thought on “Real Housewives of New York City: Season 5, Episode 2

  1. […] a mild episode last week, Aviva really brought the crazy this week. Right at the bat with her insane split ends and […]

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