True Blood: Season 5, Episode 4 – We’ll Meet Again

I know I’ve said this before, but you could seriously just watch the “previously, on True Blood” segments in consecutive order and avoid having to watch a full episode. Emphasis on “avoid.” And yet, this is the fourth episode, and about nothing has happened.

But fear not! BTYM is here to digest, poop out, regurgitate, poop out again, then finger paint the latest episode of your sort of maybe kind of a few times if you think about it in this one way favorite vampiric dramedy.

Oh fuck it I’m tripping balls aren’t I?

Can’t Eric fly? It must be annoying to have to slum it with Bill in a car.

Tripping Balls?

Bill wishes

It’s maybe a little late for this, but couldn’t Sookie have very easily claimed self-defense since Debbie came into her house with a loaded shotgun? There were witnesses. Not that I’m complaining that Lafayette is harnessing his witch powers to levitate cars, but are we [the viewers] so stupid that we needed a flashback to his fight with Sookie from a few minutes ago?

Tripping Balls?

almost there

“Oh, she’s mine. I made her. I made her a vampire. Congratulations, you’re a grandfather,” was almost perfect, but I would have loved Pam even more had she said, “grandvampire.” Pam is clearly one of the funnest characters, but she also has one of the most complicated relationships with her singular loved one (Eric, as her maker). I’m glad this is being explored more. I’d also like to know more about why she’s Eric’s only progeny. He’s super old, and his maker was super old, and now she’s a maker. Now what will happen with Tara? Will she slowly turn, or will she continue to be the victim? I’m hoping for something in between — something more nuanced and perhaps humorous.

Tripping Balls?

The ball-trippingness of Pam is seriously the only reason I watch anymore…

Ugh, the Authority. I guess I have to acknowledge this story line at some point. So let’s state the obvious: one of the vampire elders is a Sanguinista. I’m going with the black guy, since this show likes to see black people suffer. Oh, and no, it’s the kid vampire. We’ll miss you, unnamed tween. I’m still super confused why the supposedly mainstream vampires are constantly referencing their holy book, which is the same one referenced by the Sanguinistas? Is this supposed to be a commentary on extremism? Nice try, True Blood, but no. Just no.

Tripping Balls?

balls so desiccated that a gentle wind blew them away

I love that the shifter community is portrayed as a horny, loosely organized, party crew — in sharp contrast to the over-wrought werewolf packs. If you could turn into any kind of animal, and you met others who could do the same, yes…yes this is how you would spend your free time. That and eating some wine and drinking some cheese in my fanciest clothes, and oh damn, I’m dead.

Tripping Balls?

surprisingly and delightfully so

Previously, in Iraq… Soldiers did drugs and boozed it up in a prayer tower on the Fourth of July. God bless America! Oh, this is getting boring. Kill all the civilians! And control fireworks/firebombs with your eyes? Or maybe the fireworks sparkled their minds and made them want to see blood? Super unclear.

Tripping Balls?

WHERE’S RORY!?!?!

There was a nice dog/rat/fish analogy buried somewhere in Jason’s scene with Sheriff Bellefleur, but then Jessica (who is somehow the most normal person in all of Bon Temps)  ran in and glamoured me. Which begs the question, why do vampires ever have any problems ever? Why wouldn’t they just glamour the shit out of every human and get all the rights they want? Do humans even know about glamouring? Oh, Jason Stackhouse. Just a bit of safety info for everyone: no club, no matter how awesome and no matter how exclusive, will require you to don black-out hoods in a tinted limo full of bridge and tunnel skanks. But on the other hand…fairy cabaret! Twist! Parent’s didn’t die in a flood! Sexy dancers!

Tripping Balls?

You bet your sweet faerie ass!

P.S. I don’t know what the proper True Blood spelling of “fairy” is.

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