Glee Season 3 – Finale

I had to double check that this episode, entitled “Goodbye”, was in fact the last of the season for Glee. With a random mid-season break and prom, Nationals, weddings and graduations all crammed at the end of this season, it would be just like Ryan Murphy to drag this out until July.

So, yes, “Goodbye” is indeed the episode in which we say goodbye to the graduating members of the Glee Club. Up until the final minutes of the show, I was still unclear as to which cast members were actually going to be leaving, but apparently we get to say adios to Finn, Quinn, Rachel, Kurt, Santana, Mercedes, Mike Chan and Puck. The stroy lines are fizzled out, the loose ends are all frayed and tangled.  One last time, I got to sit down with a writer from the show to pick his brain about the show..one last time.

Thanks for meeting with me. I just have some small questions about this episode and about the characters that are being written off.

Lots of people do. As soon as Ryan Murphy made the decision to age out some of the characters, the writers were struggling to find ways to bring closure.

Let’s talk about Rachel Berry.

Obviously, the most time was spent on Rachel because she is a fan favorite…well, not really favorite. Everyone knows a Rachel, and everyone loves to watch her fail.  There was no way I was going to end the season without Rachel crying from a broken heart. I wanted Rachel to hurt.

Wow, okay. How about the end of Finn Hudson?

Finn is a big dumb jock whose best years will be high school. I want to be perfectly clear, Finn will never stay married longer than 4 years, never own his own home and his dog will not respect or fear him.  It was very appropriate for him to sing “Glory Days” as his final song to the Glee Club because Finn Hudson will truly have nothing in life to look forward to, it is all downhill from here.

I can see that. How about Quinn Fabray heading up to Yale?

Oh Quinn, arguably the worst character in the history of television. Teen pregnancy, Goth phase, temporary paralysis, head cheerleader and straight A honor student…she has been through so much that I don’t care about.  She is going to get her shit together, and walk…WALK without a cane or brace or support of any kind…into her Yale dorm room. She will probably be a ball-busting lawyer one day but no man will ever want her because she is such a stone-cold bitch. Long story short, Ryan Murphy wants pretty blonde women to succeed. I just do what I am told.

Were you told to have her bring up Quinn’s love for Puck?

Of course. We had to mention how Quinn lost her virginity and we had to mention the baby one more time. There had to be a confession of love and the implication that love makes people better. I think the note I wrote is “with the love of a good woman, Puck can do anything.” Though, Puck graduating is as far as we got. Who knows what will happen to his pool cleaning business or to all those lonely MILFs he might leave behind.

One of my favorite characters is Mercedes Jones. 

Yeah, lots of people love the only character of color we have on the whole show, but since we were too busy focusing on the cardigan-wearing Caucasians, we had to just casually mention that Mercedes got a recording contract in Los Angeles.

Yeah, that pissed me off. So did the slighting of Mike Chan.

Slighting? Oh you mean how his name is only mentioned five times in, what, 66 episodes? Or maybe you are referencing how he is graduating to attend one of the most groundbreaking and world-renowned Ballet Companies in the world? We were banking that no one who actually watched Glee would know what the Joffrey is.

And how did the writing staff decide on Brittany S. Pierce not graduating?

Brittany is just around for comic relief and Ryan Murphy was not ready to let her go just yet. She said she was going to Purdue, but she actually meant the chicken farm. Brilliant.

It was not brilliant for Santana Lopez to turn down her scholarship. 

Ryan Murphy had promised Gloria Estefan could be on the show but only if we made her the most amazing character. So we chose Santana’s mom who fosters her child’s growth, tells Santana to follow her dreams and shows true unconditional love for her daughter.This was not about Santana….it was about Gloria.

I guess we have saved the best for last. Kurt Hummel.

Orr brave little gay. America has really stood by him. Personally, his not getting into NYADA was bound to happen. Yes, his audition went well, but come on. He sings in falsetto and there are literally no musicals for which he could find a character in his range. He is, perhaps, too gay for Broadway. The Broadway gay needs to be versatile and will, more than likely, need to play a straight man on stage. Sorry Kurt.  We did need to pay homage to the poor guy, though, so we relived one of the fan favorite moments of the show — whenever anyone sings and dances to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies.”

Well, there you have it. How unceremoniously Season 3 of Glee comes to a close. How fitting that the songs were awful, the characters took up too much screen time and the whole experience left me wishing I had a drink. I hope Ryan Murphy and his crew spend their summer wisely and revamp this show for next season. Though the show just lost half its cast, I think it may be a marked improvement.  Until September…

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