Glee: Season 3, Episode 18 – Choke

With its third season quickly coming to a close, it’s a wonder we were able to sit down with one of the writers of Glee. But here we are. Here they are. Here you are. In case this weren’t already abundantly clear, two people contribute to the Glee reca….dyah, I mean Glee writer interviews. We switch off each week. I invariably get the worst episodes. This week was no exception.

Shall we discuss the latest episode, “Choke,” or should we choke each other?

I’ll let you decide.

Hmm, tough choice. Maybe a little of both. But first let me just rattle off several short questions.

OK, shoot.

It has become increasingly unclear based on the “scenes from the next” promos when the actual finale will air. I feel like the “winter finale” was only a few months ago, so what is this second half of the season? The spring season? WHEN WILL IT END?

Actually, I have no idea. The writing phase of this season is a total blur to me. Quaaludes will do that to you.

Remember how Britney is the president of the student body? I think that has not been mentioned since the election.

You are correct, however she will be featured in next week’s dinosaur prom episode, so we thought we could continue to get away with this for one more week.

Is Kurt capable of and/or allowed to sing any song not soprano?

No, you will literally never hear him sing bass or even tenor.

Why would a former olympic swimmer have such a huge donkey booty?

Nene Leaks is a star on the rise, implausible body proportions aside!

Puck is supposed to be a hardcore rocker, yet he wears a cowl-neck sweater over a button-up henley in this episode. Please explain.

As Puck’s mohawk becomes more ratty and yet more manicured, his bad-ass qualities are watered down. It is a direct correlation. That’s science. Some might similarly ask why the Cheerios were their uniforms literally every day, whereas in real life cheerleaders wear them only during game days, and sometimes even only for home game days.

I’ve never seen the Boy From Oz, but it just seems like there is nothing appealing about Kurt prancing around in gold skinny jeans, and there is nothing appealing about this song.

Well I think that’s harsh but fair. If nothing else, we included this musical number to prove that Chris Colfer is both capable of handling the demands of — and probably will go straight into — broadway.

Why is the cameo for Puck’s dad wasted on an unrecognizable character actor?

Because we blew the budget on Whoopie.

Why did you have Rachel Berry fail the NYADA auditions, aside from obviously to inject suspense?

Rachel is a polarizing character. Most viewers either love or hate her. Let’s face it, she is on this show to sing songs like “Don’t Rain on My Parade,” and that’s why you like her. We took a poll, though, and found most people wanted to see her fall flat on her face, so that’s what we did. Having the lights cut off after she fails was perhaps gratuitous, but we’re only giving people what they want.

OK, let’s talk about the meat of this episode, Coach Beiste’s beating. Obviously and sadly, the ending is realistic. There’s hope in the promo for next week that she might fire two “warning shots” into Cooter’s head. Still, it seems like no one learned anything this week. The domestic violence subplot was both forced and an odd choice. Could you talk about this a bit?

Yes, well, by now we’ve basically run out of “after-school special” concepts to turn into episodes, around which we cram iTunes-backed pop songs. I mean, we turned cramming for an exam into a musical number! This is what we do. So someone brought up spousal abuse, and as it turns out there is only one married couple on the show: Beiste and Cooter. Since we’ve been ignoring Beiste for a while, we thought we’d kill two birds with one stone and have Cooter beat her up a bit. Not a full-on beating, mind you, just a little “Bitch why didn’t you clean the dishes like I told you” choking. “He Had it Coming” from the musical Chicago is perhaps not the most appropriate choice, but it’s violent, and we hadn’t done it yet. So that made the cut.

Yes, you used the convention of doing something inappropriately (The girls didn’t learn anything about domestic violence, as evidenced by their violent song choice.) yet trying to get away with it by simply pointing it out to the audience. That is not actually my problem with this subplot. My problem is at the end, when Coach Beiste THANKS the girls for “opening [her] eyes.” This comes out of nowhere. What the fuck have they taught her? They literally learned nothing, much less taught her something.

Woh, woh, woh. Calm down, sister.

Do you have any final [I’m assuming nonsensical] words or phrases you’d like to share with our readers?

Yes: Original Recipe Sue, and Depressed Hawaiians.

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