In The “Now” Storybrooke Time
In the Before Time
Now, I will translate my notes about the more ridiculous plot points and poke fun at some of the truly worst writing on television.
Translation: To lure David/Charming into her web, Regina/Mayor/Queen fakes car trouble and then, at the last-minute, invites him in because she is about to whip up a lasagna. Good job, writers. Do you have any idea how long it takes to make lasagna from scratch? Like 2 hours! There is water to boil, noodles to cook and meat to brown. Then you have to actually make the lasagna, layer by layer and bake it in the oven for a good hour. Unless that bitch has a Stouffer’s sitting in her freezer (which still takes 70 minutes to cook), she had better have some appetizers and a movie planned. And the whole reason she invited him over was for sex, but who wants to intercourse when they are full of lasagna? Just ridiculous.
Note: No DCFS in magic land
Translation: Well, Magical parents seem to really like throwing their kids through portals. Rumpelstiltskin loses his son through a time portal. Geppetto seems content to send his 7-year-old sex slave into the unknown. Snow White takes her baby, still covered in birthing fluids, fresh from the uterus, and sends it through a portal. The Magic Land Department of Child and Family Services would be sending out many a Social Worker to these families, that is all I am trying to say. Not to mention that the parents have no idea what awaits their brood on the other end of this magical portal. What is God’s name was Snow thinking, sending a newborn, still breastfeeding, so vulnerable, out into the world. For shame.
Translation: The Blue Fairy has shown up quite a bit. She has some ultimate power and even Rumpelstiltskin bows down to her. When the Evil Queen’s curse-plan becomes known, The Blue Fairy goes to Geppetto and tells him that the only way to save the world is if he makes a cabinet. The cabinet, made from the last enchanted tree in the land, will only transport two people, but Geppetto thinks that instead of Snow and her child, it should be the newborn child and his 7-year-old son/toy because that makes total sense. The Blue Fairy just sits back and takes Geppetto’s shit. Stand up for yourself, Fairy…you come from a long line of magical creatures…you have Tinkerbell, Will o’The wisp, Changelings and all kinds of other folklore to back you up. I cannot believe The Blue Fairy just got pushed around by a pedophile.
Now, there are only two episodes left. I hope more characters begin to see their true selves! I am hoping that once they do realize their former magical equivalents, they loose all current memories, revert back to their old memories and wander around in present day Maine totally freaked out. Truly, the writers of Once Upon a Time are not skilled enough to pull off that plot twist, but a girl can dream can’t she?