RuPaul’s Drag Race: Season 4, Reunited – Winner Revealed

This RuPaul’s Drag Race reunion has a lot to live up to! What did Willam do? Who is the winner? Will it be Chad Michaels, the class act? Phi Phi Ohara, the bitch? Or Sharon Needles, the avant garde?

This was quite the high production value episode, especially for a reunion special. Usually it’s held on a blacked out soundstage with very basic staging. Certainly it’s never been in full theater…with spectacular coordinating outfits…and choreography…and celebrity guests. Needless to say it was rather impressive.

Drag-o-Meter Rating 1/5: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Nothing, Julie Newmar!

  • Some of the contestants who left early in the seasons and thus didn’t have a lot of screen time have clearly saved up what they thought were funny, bitchy digs at the others. Um yah no. Most fall flat. You were cut because you weren’t great at performance, remember?
  • I feel like Jiggly isn’t sitting on her stool but more like leaning against it, because she can’t fit on it? Fail. She mouth-fucks a lollipop when it’s her time to take the spotlight. Gross. Don’t draw attention to your teeth. You are a mess.
  • Phi Phi obviously knows she came off as a wench after seeing herself on television. Because she was, duh. There are several points when people in the audience jeer her. Yikes. I almost felt bad for her. Almost.

Drag-o-Meter Rating 2/5: You bettah work!

  • Wait, why did Ru call out Porkchop (a former contestant) specifically and individually? No one else was called out by name. Is she famous now, but I don’t know it?
  • After the first 10 minutes my husband realizes Willam isn’t in the group. I’m shocked I didn’t notice.
  • Ru jokingly says that we will all have to wait to hear about what really happened to Willam until the season premiere of Drag U (a marginally fun but poor substitute for the real thing) this summer. You’re stretching this gag too far!
  • So what did Willam do? What…did Willam do? Apparently her husband was secretly visiting her during the taping of the competition. There is a vaguely mysterious story about Willam being followed to the hotel and lots of references to her husbands large penis. Conjugal visits, etc. I…guess that’s a thing? Apparently they aren’t allowed to let anyone know what they are doing or where they are, which seems like quite a lot to ask. I can understand requiring them to not reveal the outcome of the show, but not letting them reveal where they are? Sheesh. Lame. Why would that even matter? Meh, I’m kind of let down, I have to say. I was hoping Willam had like stolen something from RuPaul or perhaps OD’d on diet pills.
  • And no, I’m not downloading Willam’s single nor linking to it. Only Ru is allowed to plug her shitty music.
  • There really wasn’t much in the way of the girls complaining about each other or clarifying things having watched the show after the fact. Isn’t that the point of a reunion? We don’t even hear the cliche “who do you think should win?” question.

Drag-o-Meter Rating 3/5: [snaps!]

  • The most dramatic intro is of course reserved for Ru herself.
  • The music overlaid on top of the first 4 contestants to leave (i.e., the worst ones) is very reminiscent of the Oscars’ “In Memoriam” segment.
  • When the Claritan for Kids commercial is followed immediately by the Absolut Vodka futuristic dog robot commercial, my husband goes, “here we are, back to normal.”

Drag-o-Meter Rating 4/5: Heyyyyyyyy Girl!

  • The audience is full of former contestants and various random drag queens, notably Lady Bunny, Carmen Carrera, and perhaps Raja in a face-covering plaid unitard.
  • If you watch closely you can see Kenya Michaels grab a tissue out from her boob and wiper the sweat off her face.
  • Chad’s partner designed her whole outfit. Nice.

Drag-o-Meter Rating 5/5: Sickening!

  • Whoever designed all of the non-top 3’s matching black outfits, especially LaShawn Beyond’s CRAZY head piece.
  • Milan’s legs, which are worth noting again.
  • Phi Phi really turned out a spectacular runway outfit.
  • Sharon Needles comes out dressed as a giant beer mug. Genius.
  • DiDa Ritz’ parents (who surprised her during the season with a video congratulating her) have apparently been watching this season, and her mom even came to the reunion.
  • “Professor” Charo is brought on stage as a guest translator for Kenya Michaels. WHAT! I know I say this all the time, but this really is reality TV in its most refined form. What follows is of course the classic bit where basic English sentences are translated into overly complex and verbose Spanish monologues.
  • Latrice Royale seems truly choked up by the minor popularity she’s garnered after appearing on the show. She should feel tickled, because she is awesome. She was always very open about her background and always the most outgoing and fun person on the show, yet she was seldom critical, and even when she was it was justifiable. She more than deserves the Miss Congeniality prize/trip.
  • Sharon’s second look includes what appears to be a ouiji board’s “mystic hand” glued to her temple. Genius
  • Willam loudly calls “bull shit” on Phi Phi when she claims she always respected Sharon. It was a “you go girl” moment in the literal sense. Well not literal. Drag queen literal. You know what I mean.
  • Sharon cries a bit after revealing she receives hundreds of letters a week from people she’s touched. I believe her.
  • The Pit Crew holding briefcases of what I assume to be fake dollar bills.
  • When Sharon wins!!!!, Latrice immediately belts out a hearty “Yessssssssss!” Hilariously, Sharon’s headpiece covers up her diminutive champion crown. Fighting back tears, she still manages to do a fitting, macabre prance down the runway to accept her accolades.

And that, my friends, is the end of the Drag-o-Meter (TM)…for now.

P.S. If Phi Phi had won, I would have rioted in the streets of Cobble Hill, no joke.

It was certainly not a night lacking in memorable quotes.

Ru took most of the time to spotlight herself, of course, but there were of course a few notable others.
  • “Serving you bitch is little Kenya Michaels.” -Michelle
  • “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there tonight. I’m on the set of my new movie, Drag Queens in Outer Space 4: Uranus is Burning.” -Ru
  • “Be careful because the stage is dripping with Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent.” -Ru
  • “Now Milan, have you done something different with your hair? Oh, you’re wearing it.” -Ru
  • “Beyonce don’t be sewing her shit.” -Jiggly, in defense of her lack of sewing skills
  • “May I call you Momma Ritz?” -Ru to DiDa’s mother
  • “Like I always say, RuPaul’s Drag Race, bringing families together.” -Ru
  • “Little Kenya Michaels. She had the looks. She had the moves. But what the hell was she talking about?” -Ru
  • “Everyone coochie coochie out to commercial!” -Ru
  • “I’m not going to Rupologize for anything I’m doing now.” “Old bitch! Old bitch! Consider that word stolen! My new album will be called “Rupologize,” available on iTunes.” -Sharon and Ru, in a rare moment of being overwhelmed
  • “Now do you have special people here tonight?” “Yes, I have my boyfriend with a penis, Alaska. And I have mom, Joan Crawfor…I mean Joan.” -Ru and Sharon
  • “If anyone boos you off stage, that is simply applause from ghosts.” “Booooooooo!” -Sharon and audience
  • “He watches it, and he doesn’t like it, but I like me, and if I can show any kids out there to be strong and live life for yourself, and at the end of the day when you go to bed, and you’re proud of everything you did, fuck what anybody says.” -Phi Phi in a very long run-on, but notably kind and personal monologue, one she maybe should have given a long time ago
  • “Thank you judges. I want you to know, you’re the air beneath my foot.” -Ru to the judges
  • “Sharon, is there anything you’d like to say?” “Happy Halloween, everybody!” -Ru and Sharon

Team As the Day is Long

Eeking out another 30 points this episode, Sharon finishes strong for my fantasy team that she’s spearheaded this season. With a total of 258 points, we ended on a high note, taking the 290th place overall. That’s out of over 15,000 people. Ya burnt.

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