Glee: Season 3, Episode 16 – Saturday Night Glee-ver

It’s been another week, and inexplicably another episode of Glee has been broadcast. The questions continue to mount, so it’s fortuitous that we have a special connection with a writer on the series. Read on as we ask the tough questions. Sometimes there are justifiable answers. Sometimes there are not. Other times, there is falsetto.

So much falsetto.

The theme this week seemed to center on characters who were holding back from attaining their dreams — like Mercedes and Santana — to step forward somehow and claim their ambitions. Yet this group also included Finn, a character who, sure, isn’t the most ambitious person, yet whose development has been addressed ad nasueum. Can you talk about that, and if possible also explain why he hasn’t died in Afghanistan yet?

These questions are bumming me out already. What part of “We wanted to do a disco episode — nonsensical writing/characters be damned,” don’t you understand? Let me back up a bit. You see, after only three seasons the show has not only grown stale but also doubled back on itself several times already. It’s enough just for us to keep track of who is dating whom, much less what the individual characters’ motivations are. So we decided to do an episode where a few of them just straight-up told the audience what their dreams were. Unsurprisingly all three want to be stars. Crazy, I know, for people who voluntarily compete in show choir.

But that doesn’t seem like enough to base an episode around. You mentioned disco?

Ah, yes. Disco. Well we’ve already exhausted most of the iconic performers of our generation, even the dead ones, so it was time to go back an era. Don’t be surprised when we have an 80’s week next season and then a 90’s week a few episodes later. Plus, we arbitrarily decided that the Nationals competition would require a “vintage” theme. Because if there’s one adjective I hear all the time used to describe music, it’s absolutely “vintage.”

As Sue Sylvester said, “you’ve been out of ideas since Madonna Week.” Is there any truth to the rumors that most of the lead actors will leave after this season? What can you say about the cast moving forward?

Well first of all, we don’t let one episode go by without lots of jump cuts to Jane Lynch’s face after she deftly delivers a cutting line. That’s our bread and butter. That’s why she makes the big bucks. But we won’t always be able to do that. Unlike everyone else on the show, Jane Lynch is an actual actress who’s probably always been too good for Glee. So we’re contemplating replacing her with a woman most famous for appearing on The Real Housewives of Atlanta and The Celebrity Apprentice, two bastions of method acting. Darren Criss’ fame is also on the rise, so we’ve decided to overuse his character Blaine as much as possible, since he’s probably leaving too. Whereas he used to be charming in small doses, now he’s a Halloween candy binge.

Sorry to cut in, but many would say that most of the characters have been on the decline. Puck has lost all of his edge. When was the last interesting thing he did? And where were Quinn and Sugar? It almost seems like you, the writers, can’t ever capitalize on a character that resonates with your audience when the character is resonating.

Well, we did include yet another non-winner from The Glee Project.

That show no one watched?

Stop lying. Everyone watched it.

You’re right. Please go on.

As this is the explicitly state your dreams episode, we introduced him via the two characters that inspired him. The black girl and the gay guy. He cannot act. Oh god can he not act! Good lord no. But twist! She a tranny. Just like on The Glee Project, Alex/Wade’s drag is actually quite good. A highlight if you will.

I was confused by that, actually. If he/she apparently surprised Vocal Adrenaline’s coach by appearing in drag for the performance, was the solo always going to be his/hers? It seemed like it. And if so, was the part meant equally for a male and female voice? That’s quite a versatile singer. In the real world he/she would have been beaten up immediately after the performance, obviously.

And we did just that.

So to close out, can you cogently explain the point of this episode?

The audience may be shocked to learn that nearly half of all of the graduating seniors had no plan to attend any sort of institute for higher learning prior to this episode, much like the average viewer of Fox. Obviously, people who go through middle and then high school who wait until nearly the end of their final years to come up with a plan…are failures. There’s no sugar-coating it. Those people deserve to fail. They cling desperately to being young, popular, and care-free, but they are total losers.

That’s…uncharacteristically honest of you to say. Maybe we should finish with a discussion of the music/dancing. What were you thinking when writing the performances?

We needed a dance number that checked off as many politically correct groups as possible: two girls, two boys, two Asians. If we didn’t hate black characters so much, we might have included Mercedes since she’d ostensibly been one of the three characters we concentrated on this week. We also wanted to have a dairy reference for Santana’s tearful admission that her dream is to be a famous R&B singer, but we were afraid of seeming racist, so we went with cream/skim milk. Obviously chocolate/caramel macchiato would have been more appropriate. We really aren’t sure how old Santana is, though. Like, we think she might be Brittany’s age, and we think one or both might be graduating. We do know that the audience demands more Finn, so we shoe-horned in his dream of being an actor, something we’ve never hinted at over the past three years. Janet Reno!

I see…so do you just throw in a random reference when the dialogue isn’t going anywhere, hoping the viewers won’t catch on?

Betamax/Oliver North!

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