RuPaul’s Drag Race: Season 4, Episode 7 – Dragazines

Gosh, does it feel like only seven episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race have gone by? It feels like more. This week felt a little flat for the season, but compared to other reality competition shows it was still clearly superior. The Drag-o-Meter registered in all ranges, but it settled mostly in the 2’s and 4’s, reflecting a not terribly good nor bad episode. I didn’t shriek in delight or disgust too many times, in other words.There were, however, a high number of hilarious quotes, which you’ll see. But I’m getting ahead of myself! Let’s start at the low-end, as usual.

Drag-o-Meter Rating 1/5: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Nothing, Julie Newmar!

  • Phi Phi is uncomfortably bad at reading. (“Reading” in the trash-talking sense. We already know she can actually read.)
  • Jiggly claims it’s hard to find something funny in weight loss, which Phi Phi shadily agrees with. Um, what about all of the previous seasons where the fat girls literally hams it up during the exercise themed challenge?
  • DiDa’s wig for the dragazine shoot is pretty bad.
  • And we’re back to non-theme runways. Boo.
  • Oy…Willam blames the time constraints and claims she needed a better “staff.” While i imagine that’s probably true…just oy.
  • After so many wins and excellent runway looks, it’s marginally absurd Willam could be in the bottom two…ever. Plus, you know, he’s on my team (see below). I definitely think this was Ru’s way of putting Willam in her place. Plus, Latrice’s dragazine and look were absolutely worse. Obviously, Willam is safe. How could he not be? For a show whose artifice I frequently laud, this one felt too blatantly artificial.
  • So what exactly was the point of Phi Phi trying to sabotage Jiggly, the weakest among them, in the first place? It’s astounding she’s still here, though.

Drag-o-Meter Rating 2/5: You bettah work!

  • Not 60 seconds into the show, all of the girls read Jiggly, and hard. “Do you really think you can win?” Ouch.
  • Jiggly was apparently bulimic at one point. Yikes. And it didn’t work! She’s also losing her hair. Noticed all the hats? Poor, poor Jiggly.
  • Regina King, “star of Southland,” is a guest judge. Apparently, Willam was an extra on that show. Go figure. My question, though, is this show even still on?
  • Jiggly can’t seem to do a single jump of the rope.
  • I take back what I said last week, because Phi Phi’s photo shoot drag is still pretty boring.
  • Regina apparently didn’t feel like getting dressed up to be on this show. Come to think of it, why is she judging a magazine challenge?
  • I’m becoming nonplussed with Latrice’s severely linear paint.
  • Woh, Milan’s never looked thinner than her runway look this week. Kind of shockingly.
  • Santino describes Latrice’ dress as like a couch from Rent-a-Center. Then her jewelry starts to fall apart, and I realize there are crystal doorknobs involved.
  • Maybe it was the song “My Crazy Life,” both lip-syncers were on the boring side.
  • In one of Jiggly’s photo outtakes, we see that her boobs have become dislodged.

Drag-o-Meter Rating 3/5: [snaps!]

  • The Pit Crew’s matching, contrasting briefs, with appropriately placed stars. Could have a been a little more magazine-appropriate though.
  • So the main challenge is to come up with a magazine concept based on the given titles, shoot a cover photo, and come up with the headlines. Loves it. It doesn’t work out so well in the end, but it’s clever. How do they keep coming up with these oddball challenges?
  • When Ru points out all of the problems in Latrice’s magazine concept, she says she’ll go back to her “research department.” Ha.
  • Ooh, Chad’s 40’s glamor meets bedazzled adventurer is spontaneous and interesting. She should try more of this on the runway. Sadly, it doesn’t work in the photo shoot.
  • Willam’s photo shoot “look” is holding a pillow over her naked body. Kind of too much, but OK, she went there.
  • Willam’s smile is obviously robotic, but that’s the point, right? I thought it was intentionally affected.
  • Jeez, another cruise prize. Um, are they maybe all on the same cruise? Like, are each of the winners sharing a cabin? Probably.
  • Sharon reads Willam’s stubble and says she needs to start wearing “Duncan Hines” like the rest of them. Ha! Basically, he wears makeup like a woman would, rather than like a man dressing like a woman would. Interesting.

Drag-o-Meter Rating 4/5: Heyyyyyyyy Girl!

  • Milan’s giant crown during what I like to call the weekly “Shit, you didn’t wint, but here, hold this giant check and look sad” moment at the beginning.
  • Chad’s apparently still on Myspace. “I was gonna take that down.”
  • The dragazine titles are as follows: Tastes Like Chicken (refers to a young gay man), Kitty Cats (no explanation necessary), Sashay Away (Ru’s own catchphrase for kicking off contestants), Eleganza (haute drag fabulousness), Sugar Walls (a 1984 Sheena Easton song, referring to guess what?), What’s the T (a colloquialism meaning “What’s going on?”), and Battle of the Bulge (again, no explanation necessary).
  • Jonathan Clay Harris. Damn. That is called a handsome man. Boatneck t-shirt. These things can go together.
  • Sharon’s “powerful bitchy mogul woman” look in the photo shoot.
  • Oh oh, girl. The girls have a hot debate about “gay marriage” whilst applying makeup. Some interesting points are thrown around, not the least surprising being that Latrice thinks it should be called something else, because it’s “not the same thing.” Are 30 seconds of heated political conversations now a mainstay of this show?
  • Chad’s runway look is great. It’s enough of a departure I think but still very Chad.
  • Nevermind about Phi Phi, because her runway look is fierce.
  • Ru’s consistent question “Jiggly Caliente…may I call you Jiggly?” She keeps the gag going all the way until the end. It’s these subtle, odd, scripted moments that really make the show worth watching week after week.
  • Ooh, in Untucked we finally hear Latrice’s, “take off your hat you balding bitch,” and it’s directed at…Santino! Twist.
  • Jason, which is apparently the name of one of the Pit Crew, face-fucks the camera in every outtake shot. Loves it.
  • Of course Sharon’s metaphor for how they should all present themselves is, “girl you got to go out there and sell life insurance to a dead person.”

Drag-o-Meter Rating 5/5: Sickening!

  • #thelibraryisopen
  • Speaking of, the annual “reading” mini-challenge, wherein each contestant seriously unloads on everyone else, is great. For some reason they have to wear oversize orange sunglasses to do it. Too many great comments to list. OK, just one. Chad has a nice “Scarrie Bradshaw” dig at Willam.
  • Sharon appears to say “cunt,” but it’s bleeped by Logo’s sensors using a…cat meow!
  • Phi Phi’s dragazine is, indeed, the best. But it’s because the other’s are so terrible. Sigh.
  • Sharon describes Latrice’s outtake photos (which were ostensibly for an advice/celebrity magazine but were essentially Latrice on a couch with the Pit Crew) as the strangest Ikea ads she’d ever seen.
  • Sharon reveals that she farted onstage, and apparently Ru noticed, but Sharon covered it up by acting like something odd had happened to her shoes! Does the Drag-o-Meter go to 6?!

Just like last week, I’m expanding the clever quotes to include everyone. There were some real standouts.

  • “Today’s queen on the download needs to be a real hustler.” -Ru
  • “Get out your library cards, because reading is fundamental.” – Ru
  • “Jiggly Caliente, you’re such a fat slut, after sex you smoke hams.” -Sharon
  • “Crunch crunch. Oh yah I got an idea. Crunch crunch.” – Latrice’s [valid] impersonation of Jiggly’s habit of eating while brainstorming.
  • “5 G’s – Good god get a grip girl. Really it’s not that serious. You’re a dude in a wig.” -Latrice
  • “I prefer Editor in Queef.” -Willam
  • “Have you done porn? You should really consider it.” -Sharon to the hot photographer
  • “Delete that one. I look like a man. I look like Sharon in that one.” -Phi Phi to the hot photographer
  • “You guys look amazing.” “Please don’t address them.” -Willam to the hot photographer, when he compliments the Pit Crew
  • “Well I’m talking about cats. You’re a pervert.” – Sharon
  • “Looking as beautiful as a fresh bruise.” -Santino to Ru
  • “I love the S-walk.” “Yes, it’s a strategic walk, so the sniper can’t get her.” -Michelle and Ru
  • “For the love of pussy. How many is too many?” “Wasting water? You too can use the litter box.” -headlines on Sharon’s dragazine
  • “Cute little outfit. Your makeup looks lovely. What happened?” – Ru
  • “Willam, your friend 5’oclock is back. You been clocked, and it’s showing.” -Latrice to Willam’s stubble
  • “Sometimes you have to wait a little while for your Botox to relax.” -Chad

Team As the Day is Long is doing just fine. Thank you for asking. No huge jump in points to report this week, which is to be expected with no wins from any of the gals, plus Willam’s uncalled for time in “Lip Sync For Your Life.” 

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