Once Upon a Time: Episode 13

Here we are again in the quaint little town of Storybrooke, Maine where nothing is as it seems.Once Upon a Timeblah blah, tag line, dark music, blah. While not a totally awful show, there are so many things that make me just moan, “oh, brother, are you serious?” Yes, I understand that using the word “serious” when referring to a made up drama about fairy tales says more about me than it does about the show. Call me old-fashioned, but I demand a little more realism from my fantasy. I am going to use this space to address some of my growing concerns.

Prince Charming and Snow White: In this week’s episode, we focus, yet again on the love story of Prince Charming and Snow White…a love that transcends time and logic. With the past/present plot device employed by this series, we get to delve even deeper into the complex relationship with Charming, Snow, Abigail and Frederick. Confused yet? Well, there is a past-love-quadrangle juxtaposed to the present-love-triangle, so yeah, this story is not for the faint of heart. Draw yourself a diagram, and things will make much more sense. All in all, you learn that love is hard, you need to just go for what you want and apparently I am the only single person in all of America…thanks ABC.

Poor Parenting: I am not sure why it bothered me so much to see the Mayor try and parent her child. Other than an overwhelming desire to control her mentally disturbed child, the mayor does not have much maternal instinct. When her son’s favorite book goes missing, the Mayor decides to give him a video game. This woman is never home and she does not have a maid or nanny as far as I can tell. She let her son…again, the son with a mental illness and daily therapy…wander to Boston. Not since the show Shameless have I seen such a lousy mom.

An Affair by Any Other Name: So there is some discussion in this episode about affairs. I may not be married, but I was told that an affair has something to do with genitals. If no genitals are involved, it should be called an “emotional affair.” In this episode Prince Charming confesses his “affair” to his wife. Refresher: Present Prince Charming was in a coma, fell in love with Present Snow White, but he was actually still married to Present Princess Abigail. So far, the adulterous couple has kissed and met secretly for coffee. I want some passion, here, people. I think watching HBO and Showtime has ruined me.

G-Rated: I refuse to watch any movies that are not PG-13 or higher. Because of the “emotional adultery” described above, the whole town seems to be up in arms. One disgruntled person spray-painted the word “TRAMP” on Snow White’s car. Tramp? Really? Is this 1930? Did the ABC network censors decide that “whore-hole” or “cum-dumpster” were not appropriate for some reason? This show is so anti-sex I am expecting Snow to start wearing a scarlet “A” on her chest.

Stick to the Fairy Tales: This week, there is a reference to Lady in the Lake (from the King Arthur stories). In previous episodes, there was Midas (the king with the Golden Touch) and Genie (from the lamp). I am sick and tired of the lenient tone these writers have taken with the term “fairy tale.” Legends and myths do not count. Old Wives Tales and O’Henry stories are also not allowed. I do not want Paul Bunyan walking out of the forest with Big Foot. The Brothers Grimm gave you plenty of stories, creators, and if there were not enough characters, maybe you should not have based a whole show on it.

Those were some of the major malfunctions, or the ones that really rubbed me the wrong way. One reason I am irritated by the show may be that I have spoiled myself in watching full seasons/series of a show all at once. This slow build up with no follow-through is like holding in a sneeze. Very frustrating.

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One thought on “Once Upon a Time: Episode 13

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