RuPaul’s Drag Race: Season 4, Episode 3 – Glamazon vs. Champion

I obviously have very high standards for RuPaul’s Drag Race, but did anyone else feel it was a little off its game — pun intended — this week? The challenges were lacking somewhat in creativity. I blame the show’s producers. Assuming, you know, there are producers.

Even Ru seemed a bit subdued. No one quite stood out for me, although there were funny moments. It was an acceptably entertaining episode, but it lacked the hijinks of the premiere as well as, I’m imagining, the more colorful episodes to come (for example, the annual “Snatch Game” celebrity impersonation episode…let’s hope there’s no ill-timed Whitney).

Still, the Drag-o-Meter was fully charged up and ready to go, and I hate to waste it.

1/5: Alright, you  know the drill. The patented Drag-o-Meter can tolerate only a finite amount of shade, and sometimes (often times…) RDR barely registers. These are the blips. The almost theres. Otherwise known as: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Nothing, Julie Newmar!

  • Enough of the Jiggly Caliente hating. Let’s get over this.
  • Piyah Martell (a trans Youtube singing phenom with a disorder that unfortunately basically caused her to lack legs) is brought in by the Pit Crew. I’m not pleased because a) this should happen much more often, b) with me and, c) they couldn’t opt for some kind of bedazzled chariot or sleigh? It was just a pad of gold lamay
  • Maybe I missed the first challenge’s rules, but apparently it was to make a fascinator in like, 12 seconds. I dont get it.
  • And not to belabor this any longer, but Piyah should have been more involved in the episode. She was marginalized.
  • For no reason whatsoever Jiggly is sidelined as not the team captain since she, “didnt win the coin toss.” Lame.
  • What was with the terrible greenscreen backgrounds?
  • DiDa Ritz’s look in the video challenge is…confusing to say the least. Very mannish too, and I don’t think that’s what she was going for. Is she supposed to be like, the cheerleader/class president?
  • Where was the Glamazon/Champion element in the video challenge? There was none. I could have done without the video challenge altogether, in fact.
  • Madame LaQueer’s runway look. No. Just no. Can the meter go to zero?
  • Upon seeing Team Phi Phi O’Hara’s completed video, I’m even more confused with what the theme was. They’re mediocre stereotypes with monotone voices?
  • I, like Sharon Needles, understood about “4 words of” Phi Phi’s explanation of why she didn’t pick fellow Puerto Rican, Madame LaQueer, for the video challenge. She wanted to challenge herself? I’m so lost.

2/5: Climb those mountains, girl. OK, so it’s not all bad/sad. We’re getting somewhere. Still, some things on RDR need improvement and/or are ill-conceived. With a smirk and a wink, I’m rating these instances a You bettah work!

  • “If you’re not on top of your P’s and Q’s you’re gonna be X’d.” Almost there, Latrice.
  • If you need captions for your shade, you’re doing something wrong. Shade is the universal language.
  • I wanna know where the cheetah print BONES came from.
  • Ru says that Phi Phi looks like a, “girl from the 6 train?” Um, no. She’s Z, maybe Q train.
  • Natalie Cole, I’m pretty sure you’re too famous for this.
  • Was the main runway challenge theme gold/shiny? I missed something.
  • RuPaul reuses, “I’ll have a Latrice Royale on the rocks.”
  • The finished videos are crappier than I imagined! They really are on the verge of not working, but because this is RDR, I’ll give it a pass.
  • They of course use a Natalie Cole song for the Lip-sync For Your Life. OK, I’ll accept that it’s required, but she honestly doesn’t have a more upbeat dance song?
  • Princess tries to lash out at Sharon for pointing (as I did last week) that she doesn’t bother to change her voice when performing. I guess Princess thinks this was some sort of clever way to turn around Sharon’s, “the great thing about drag is that there’s no right or wrong. We’re all adult men in women’s clothing,” comment…except she’s forgetting one important thing. She’s boring! Princess, oh darling, you are so boring!

3/5: Now we’re at the tipping point. It’s here where we just barely cross over into the sublime but are still held back by something not quite ride. Be it swallowing your eyebrow or forgetting to tuck, at least your heart was in the right place! A delicate balance. So for these the Drag-o-Meter registers a neutral, unspoken [snaps!]

  • “Bitch could sew,” Sharon says (about last week’s eliminated contestant, Lashauwn Beyond). Chad Michaels matter of factly replies, “She sure could.”
  • The sight of Jiggly and Madame LaQueer as the last two to be picked was, sorry, pretty funny. I definitely giggled.
  • Sharon Needles pronounces the color turquoise as “terrqwaz.” I sort of love it though.
  • Willam brought 34 pair of shoes. Damn girl.
  • Sharon Needles’ Cruella Deville is pretty convincing. Not the funniest, but apparently she was taking direction from her team leader.
  • Amber Riley’s a pretty inspired guest judge, on paper. Can anyone think of a show she’d be a better judge in? However, compared to the others, she comes off as the level-headed one.
  • You know, Jiggly’s runway look was sort of cool.
  • Ru points out that girls with fierce walks should learn to incorporate that [attitude] into their everyday lives. Easier said than done!
  • While I think all of the criticisms Willam brings up backstage are technically correct, girl she sure likes stirring the shit. If she weren’t so hilariously deadpan in the delivery of her I’m above this demeanor than the meter wouldn’t register as high. On the other hand, she’s bringing what i asked for: drama.
4/5: Do it BITCH! Werq it! Here’s what what I’m talking about. I’m just gonna go ahead and call it a Heyyyyyyyy Girl!

  • Just noticed that the giant novelty prize check is from the “Bank of Ru.”
  • Piyah comes off, I would say, pretty fierce on camera.
  • The looks the girls on her team give when Phi Phi explains she’s team captain again because she’s, “so amazing.” Classic!
  • Loves the 80’s theme the first team picked. It was very Misfits.
  • Seemingly out of nowhere, Willam takes a big whiff of a Pit Crew member and exclaims, “OK, I’m ready!”
  • Willam’s 80’s infomercial was pretty funny. It was also the only one that sounded like an informercial, which was ostensibly the point. I’m not sure it’s selling music, but I dont care.
  • Latrice somehow always manages to throw her size around powerfully and with charm. I like her. I really do. She’s giving Big Bird realness. I almost want to put her on my fantasy team, but she ain’t gonna win, let’s be real.
  • Phi Phi rightfully points out that Latrice has yet to complain about her shoes or otherwise any things that are theoretically harder to werq, despite the fact that she’s actually larger than Madame LaQueer. See above.
  • When Jiggly receives the special “pink box” reward of receiving a video of her brother back home, she breaks down. And I mean, breaks DOWN. Because as it turns out! This is the anniversary of her mom’s death! Wow! If Ru knew (and clearly, she did) I think she could have worked in a pity win for Jiggly in the video challenge. Or something. Something! It’s only episode 3, and it’s not that serious. let’s be honest. All of the girls tear up, and thankfully this doesnt detract from my POINTS. See below.
5/5: And here we are, dragalinas. The final word in absolute ferocity. Sometimes RDR is genuinely inspiring, what with the uplifting messages and feminine camaraderie. Sometimes a martini gets thrown in someone’s face. It’s all the same. It’s full-on Sickening!

  • Realizing how diverse Team Phi Phi is, I’m reminded just how diverse the Race itself is. Maybe more than, dare I say it, ANTM.
  • The oh too quick shot of the Pit Crew oiling each other up.
  • We very briefly see the contestants hotel room, and…it looks like the zombie motel from the premiere episode! Someone (cough, celebrity readers, cough) please confirm.
  • The Princess’ Amber Rose realness is spot-on. Loves it. Very pretty too. Ru claims she’s the one being channeled, which is clearly not the case. Rose was even a judge last season! Oh, and excellent makeup.
  • Sharon’s sparkly 50’s crooner wig is rather interesting and unusual. Did she make it? I like that she can easily do this whole spooky wink wink thing, yet transition into something pretty, if I guess technically an “alternative” pretty.
  • The end of DiDa’s lip-sync is…just…wow. Inspiring? She really nails the clickity-clack legs and intense finger-pointing coupled with CRAZY EYES. It was like DiDa was dancing the words, “BITCH YOU THINK I’M LEAVING WELL YOU BETTAH LISTEN HERE!” I think Ru maybe even was taken back a bit.

Ru was a little off her game this week, or at least it was an excellent effort by the other judges, because we didn’t catch too many zany comments. Those that stood out, however, are captured below for all eternity. I assume the Library of Congress is meticulously archiving By That You Mean. They aren’t? Someone please get on that!

  • “And for the record those are all available on iTunes.” Ru has just interjected several of her song titles into the normal course of conversation, without the musical tone in her voice.
  • “I could see Mariah Carey selling this on HSN.” It’s a hat with butterflies.
  • “The Pit Crew is also included. You just gotta return ’em when you’re done.”
  • “She’s serving Elvira AND Elvis. She’s Elvirus, and it’s contagious.”
  • “She’s serving Jiffy Pop after the show.”
  • “Oh, and what an impressive bumper she has.”
  • “There’s gold in them their hills.” Giant Latrice is bedazzled in gold.
  • “She’s serving R2D2 realness. C-3-P-Ho.”
  • “In space no one can hear you queen.”

What is going on, team As the Day is Long? I genuinely do think we have the top couple of girls here. Maybe it’s the mechanics of scoring that’s holding me down? Last week I was at 28 points, and this week I’ve gained only a net total of 10 points. Though Sharon won the challenge, and none of my girls were in the bottom, points were deducted for things like Chad crying. Ladies, can we please have some more swearing and nudity?


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