Did you ever wonder how a Glee episode goes from a glitter-encrusted idea in the brain of Ryan Murphy to a full-fledged song and dance extravaganza? Well, wonder no more as we take you behind the scenes into the action-packed writers room. We will listen in as story-arcs are abandoned, characters are written off and songs get haphazardly worked into the plot. Let’s take a peek, I think they are just starting now!
Okay, writers, this week, we got kind of lucky! We have the rights to Michael Jackson songs. There is one small hitch though…we paid one lump sum for the right to use his music so that means we can use as much of it as we want. It is up to us to really jam as much music into this episode as possible.
What about the story lines and plot?
What about them? Other than finding a way to use the characters to create introductions to the songs, I don’t think we really need to focus on that. Instead, make the whole show one long string of set-ups to music videos.
We should start the show with something. What we wanna be startin’ it with though? GAH! I wanna be startin’ something but I am stuck in the middle! The pain is thunder! Mamasemamasa!!
Wow, okay, um, so that happened. He has had a Michael-induced awesomeness stroke. Everyone take heed, this could be dangerous. Moving on, we need some kind of protagonist this episode as well — Jane Lynch has the day off, that mean football guy is gone, Santana is on the good side again — but it has been weeks since anyone has been good and slushied right in the face. Think, minions, who, WHO can be the bad guy this week?
Remember that guy from the Warlbers? The one who tried to date-rape Blaine and makes awful yet accurate jokes about Kurt’s ensembles? No, I am genuinely asking if anyone remembers his name. If I have to go back through old episodes to look for it, I might kill myself.
I think his name was Sebastian (I remember because it is my favorite character in The Little Mermaid). It is all good and fine to bring Sebastian back, but I think we need to find a song that states clearly how bad he is. Is the song “Bad” too obvious? Nah, it is spot on — Americans are stupid. Just make sure we add some fight-dancing choreography.
I have a scene I have been working on that will be perfect for this episode. Someone on the Glee team takes a slushie to the face but gets a shard of ice to the cornea and has to have surgery. Sebastian should slushie Kurt!
Niiice, but I think that we can kick things up a notch! Sebastian slushies Blaine by accident (mainly because our Kurt wardrobe is too expensive to be slushied) and he actually adds rocks or salt or rock-salt to make it really dangerous. Also, even though it is clearly assault and battery, the police will have nothing to do with it, leaving the Glee Club to do some sleuthing. You know what we haven’t mentioned yet? Santana’s breasts…specifically her underboobs. Work that in somehow.
You know what else we haven’t referenced in a long time? Artie being in a wheelchair. Or Other Asian (Mike Chang) not being able to sing. Logically, after their friend gets viciously attacked, Artie and Mike should be so incensed that they can only scream-dance their way to sanity. Do not pay any attention to the fact that the song is sung by Michael and Janet Jackson.
I think now is a good time to mention two very important things. First: I want all the singers to he-he and crotch-grab as much as possible. I want this to be slightly better than a karaoke impression. Second: we need to finish this whole ridiculous marriage proposal between Rachel and Finn.
But, sir, no one cares about Rachel and Finn, especially since they are going to be written off the show in a few months. How are we supposed to spark interest in this?
WITH MUSICS!! So much music. I think that Finn should just sing to Rachel, she is a high-school girl — one heart-felt song from a guy she lost her virginity too, and the answer will be, “yes.” I am sure there is some Michael Jackson song that is about love that will not remind people of pedophilia.
You know what, I am just going to say it. We have eight songs in this show. EIGHT! I think this is the most in any one show. Sure, they are abbreviated, but still, hot damn! This means we have short clips to put in between songs to make this thing flow. We have the following random story arcs still to cover: Mercedes-Trouty Mouth reverse jungle fever, Quinn being the worst character on TV, that random Irish guy, Brittany being the best background character ever, Santana’s sexual orientation, Shuester’s marriage, NYADA, Idina Medzel being a sub, ugh.
Well, we can knock some of those off. I thought we should do “Black or White” about Trouty-Mouth, but instead, we should make it as some kind of big finale. Ugh, this show has gone from fun to tedious. You are right, there is just too much going on. All those shows we wasted developing the characters have made us forget about the music, and NOW we have so many songs, and we are shamelessly trying to fit them all in. I am getting kind of sick of this — trying to form a show around songs. This is getting old and much less popular.
Don’t worry, I have a feeling this show will not be around much longer. Let’s just make an eye-patch joke, take it to the streets, throw in a cello or two, blackmail someone, think WWMJD, and just call it a day because I need a drink.