Alcatraz: Episode 3

Another week, and yet another mercilessly dangerous criminal has time-traveled back to San Francisco.

In this episode, a child-killer has come back to wreak unholy murder on an 11-year-old in the Bay Area. The big-tittied detective and that obese doctor have 48-hours before that kid is brutally murdered. With clues left from 1960, a puzzle of this crime will be peiced back together just in time!

After the show was over, I still had a few questions, so I thought I would ask the production staff for the answers…

How does one go about casting a serial child rapist?

Well, first, I think you are mistaken. We went to great lengths to never once bring any kind of sexual conotation to this crime. I mean, I am sure that there are tons of children who are abducted and not brutally sodomized to death — so we decided to focus on the non-rapey type of child murder.

We put an ad out to local talent agencies asking for angular, pale males age 30-40 with dirty, stringy hair. We had over one thousand applicants. It is amazing how most struggling middle-aged actors have no qualms whatsoever at being type-cast as pedophiles.

Can you describe the rationale behind the prison crime hierarchy?

Oh yeah, we spent so so much time on this, and it is based solely on my writing staff watching Law and Order. Apparently, there is a sliding scale of criminal-based upon the crime for which they are committed.

For example, the writers brought up this easy way of remembering — nothing is as bad as anything you could do to child. Like, murdering a fully actualized adult is not as bad as murdering a child. Or, robbing a store is not as bad as finger-banging little girls.  Fraud, mafia, raping an adult (gender non-specific), tax evasion. Nothing is as bad as hurting an innocent child — no matter how much they were asking for it.

Based on this crime scale, gaurds (according to Hollywood) are willing to look the other way when prisoners band together and beat the hell out of baby-killers. And I heard about this whole mob-beating, and I really wanted the makeup team to run with it. So, perhaps the only reason we have earned our prime-time TV slot is because we make this beating look awful. His face looks like slabs of meat and scabs.

Quite a few episodes take place in the hospital wing of Alcatraz. Can you give us a hint to some of the mystery?

(chuckles) No, there is not much that we can talk about in regards to the Hospital, only because there is no real plan for it yet.

Okay, so as you have seen, every single time-travelling prisoner has had to visit the infirmary. No one likes the doctor, and the idea of the inferior medical services a prison would provide is downright terrifying.

For no specified reason, we have one inmate who has regular blood-lettings. This kind of barbaric medicine with no rationale builds suspense.

Also, we all kind of decided that the doctor needs to be nuts, jaded and absolutely unethical. The doctor will deny basic medical treatment based on personal beliefs. If a patient is in pain, the doctor should withhold pain medicine.We are trying to build the ominous tone of the hospital without actually figuring how it is important yet. The staff feels that after a year or two the story of the prison hospital will form organically.

For real, though, there is something going down in that infirmary. Since we writers are all brainy nerds, consider the following SAT-based comparison: prison infirmary is to Alcatraz as black smoke is to LOST. Helpful?

As the main characters develop, are there any quirks or patterns that we will discover?

Well, there are a few little inside jokes we are going to carry through the show.

For the detective, we are going to have her lower, throw away, or drop her gun in every single episode. It makes absolutely no sense logically; this is a highly trained police detective with extensive practice in guns and aiming guns; Why then, whenever she is confronting a criminal, does she lower or throw her gun away. So keep your eyes peeled and see if you can spot the cowardice in each episode!

For the doctor, we are taking advantage of the very simple “stupid/smart” paradox. See, in television, a person cannot simply be intelligent; they also have to deeply flawed or lack common sense. Smart also has to have the counter-characteristic of goofy or dumb, even deeply disturbed. Our Dr. Soto has multiple degrees and has published several books, but he still hates blood and has trouble communicating basic thoughts to his coworkers. He writes comics, broods, runs away, and eats three pieces of pie in one sitting. He was also abducted when he was 11, and it sounds like there could have been some light diddling. He is complicated.

I hope that helped. Stay tuned next week to see if any more questions get answered, if not by the show, than at least by the writers.

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