Look, let’s — the writers of the greatest show of our generation — cut to the shit and do what we do best: jamming musical numbers and convoluted backstories into a shiny high school setting. Pepper some gay subplots here, sprinkle some pop culture references there. And bam! Another amazing episode of Glee.
Yes, yes, yes, but we still need to, you know, write words and some such.
Well, for starters, remember when we intimated a relationship between Mercedes and Trouty Mouth at the end of last season, but then we abruptly terminated it and immediately replaced him with the only other black character (Shane, a football player)?
Yah, it was among our best ideas as I recall.
Well Trouty Mouth’s available again for a multi-episode story arc (and his hair has improved), so let’s shoehorn in an explanation set to the classic “Summer Nights” from Greece.
Yah, but Mercedes’ hair got worse.
They’ll meet in the middle!
Wait, why do we have Blaine with the men but Kurt with the gals? That doesn’t make any…ooh a butterfly!
Dame Judy Dench is also randomly available — by which I mean I knifed her tires while she had a meeting in our building and then recorded her talking to herself in the bathroom — so let’s give her voice to…Becky!
That’s actually really fun and adorable. Let’s make her inner monologue as confident as her outer persona, only more, you know, British.
When people elope, do they not have engagement rings, because i feel like Coach Beiste would, right?
Uh, it would be too small to see anyway.
We haven’t had a Ms. Pillsbury song in a while, and though her voice is clearly in need of some autotunage, I like the idea of having Beiste and Sue in the background. In a sense I can totally see them being her bridesmaids.
Can we throw in some fascinators?
Absolutely. They are now required, in fact.
Will Schuester is so devoid of romance that naturally he’d require his students come up with ideas for his proposal.
Yes, and he also needs an 18-year-old kid to not only help him shop for a ring but be his best man.
Nene Leakes + Trouty Mouth without a shirt = gay audience, covered.
All she needs/can do, is yell.
Conversely, all he needs/can do, is look pretty.
Is this a Maroon 5 song I’m reading? “I’ve got the moves like Mick Jagger.” Ugh, this is seriously terrible. Are we really going with this? I think our rendition will almost certainly be better than the original. Oh man, and what are this choreography I’m hearing about? This is among the gayest things I have ever seen, and that is saying a lot, as you are all well aware.
Literally 6 seconds of hearing Will talk about the first time he met Emma, Rachel and the other girls should be able to break into a song that perfectly encapsulates the feeling?
Shut up, this episode is fast-paced, and we have to move things along!
Must…incorporate…Pop Chips…product placement.
They’re the best part of JetBlue. Well, not the best, but you know what I mean.
I have to say, the casting for Ms. Pillsbury’s mom is seriously spot-on. I wanna say this is her actual mom.
I can’t concentrate. I just read, “she gets down’s syndrome,” somewhere in reference to Becky having spirit, and…it must be a joke. Yes, some horrible inappropriate joke!
It’s no joke. It’s tolerance.
Just like, ahem, extremely personal family trauma being brought up inappropriately in front of a handful of adults without adequately preparing a teenage boy’s mind.
“Your dad didn’t die a war hero. Instead, he OD’d in Cincinnati.” Mind = blown.
I actually really love that Emma carefully polishes and arranges the Christmas ornaments, no matter how long after Christmas it actually is. That’s what everyone should theoretically do. In my case, I jam them all into a used grocery bag and hope the cats don’t eat them under my bed.
Though she’s a marginalized character by nature, it’s still nice that we do have a somewhat realistic OCD character on primetime television.
Yes, I agree. Plus, while we’re definitely cramming this engagement subplot in, it’s a good enough frame to talk about the issues of both obsessive-compulsive disorder and married life (i.e., messy kids, throwing a huge party, etc.).
At long last, we’ve given Kurt the hairstyle he so obviously deserves/would have done in real life: the young gay man’s symmetric upturned pointy quaff.
Many have come before, and many will follow. Such is the circle of life.
It’s great that the glee club can enlist violinists (and a cellist!) on-command. What are these musicians doing when they’re not rehearsing with glee club? Presumably, they have other classes during this period, so did they get excuses to be absent?
Oh…were you legitimately asking me?
No, clearly not. Say, could you iTunes me that bagel? “iTunes,” is now a verb I use to describe giving me something. As in, “my mom iTunes’d me an iTunes gift card for Christmas,” or, “that queen iTunes’d me HPV.”
Is it just me, or is there an overarching Artie is sort of a douche theme permeating this season? Just me?
Yah, let’s take note of that and…nope I already forgot what we were talking about.
OH FUCK SHOULD ARTIE DIVE INTO A POOL!?!?
Stop, we must continue penning this retro synchronized swimming number. We are going to spend way too much on this set.
Yes, and clearly Ms. Pillsbury wouldn’t be completely grossed out by all of the splashing and bacteria.
Let’s go with that.
I just can’t get over how white this cast is.
Get these people ultraviolet radiation!
Throw in some infrared while we’re at it.
Loving you and being loved by you makes everything better.
YIKES, are we seriously pushing this Fin/Rachel proposal plan!? Make it stop.
Please, yes, make it stop!
Some days it sucks being me. This is one of those days. Focus. Don’t let them see you cry.