Project Runway All Stars: Episode 1

We have been misled.

As it turns out this “all star” season of Project Runway is quite different from the rest. We’re extremely confused by a few things: First of all, where the balls is Santino Rice? His omission is akin to the sacrilegious absence of Jade in the recent America’s Next Top Model: All Stars season. I assume he’s far busier [read: more famous] than these other former contestants. Secondly, why the fuck do we have a new host and new judges? Where is Heidi? Where is His Majesty of Orange, Michael Kors? Most importantly, where the whosie is Tim Gunn? All I can think of is that this isn’t a “real” season of Project Runway, and thus the usual crew isn’t necessary. What gives? Finally, has it even been long enough since last season…much less for a season filled with past contestants? ANTM went through 16 “cycles” before recycling old personalities last year. Project Runway’s had only 9.

No matter. Let’s discuss this week’s looks. In a departure from past recaps, BTYM is pooling from a rolling group of Project Runway fans, in an effort to diversify the opinions. Check out the various looks here.

One last question: What do you think? Leave your thoughts in the comments, as always.

Loves It / Hates It:

Anthony

MJ = Hates it. It looks like she’s spilled something on her ugly prom dress.
GC = Hates it. It looks like an Asian hooker dress.
DM = Hates It. It looks like a cheap paper dress with golden boob attachments that are attacking the model for her bad fashion sense.

April

MJ = Loves it. I don’t care that she “copied” someone else with the material, because it comes together and looks seamless and clean.
GC = Loves it. I wish it had more interest up top, little straps that fan out or something.
DM = Loves It!  This definitely does not look like it was made from mops. I want to wear this to my next party! I wouldn’t have to worry about spilling my drink on myself…

Austin

MJ = Hates it. It’s a rejected Blade Runner costume. Hrm, well…loves it?
GC = Loves it. It has a weird spacey thing going on. Though I wish he had come up with a crazy/amazing fix when he burnt his dress with the hot glue gun. He saved it with the dry corn husks in Season 1. I wanted more. Also, I love that he looks like a bull fighter in the opening.
DM = Hates It. Besides the fact that it looks cheap, those embellishments are ill-placed. Her vagina has blue plastic bedazzled wings.

Elisa

MJ = Loves it? This show desperately needs more crazy, and if narrated white wings and mismatched rompers are the craziest, then I can handle that.
GC = Hates it. Booty shorts and white wings, plus spit and lipstick. Get out. Plus did you see her cleavage tat?
DM = Loves It. I don’t care if it’s totally inappropriate for this show. I love that Elisa’s garment is more like a beautiful work of art than just fashion. So maybe I wouldn’t wear this walking down the street, but I do love looking at it on that model.

Gordana

MJ = Hates it. What the hell is going on at the top? It looks like she’s wearing a bomb.
GC = Hates it. Bomb is totally right. I feel like this could fit in the Fifth Element. Maybe Chris Tucker’s character would wear it.
DM = Hates It. Seriously, WTH?! No one would wear that unless it was Halloween and you were dressed as a tampon.

Jerell

MJ = Loves it. It’s sophisticated, has movement, and looks expensive. Did he cheat with the materials? It’s maybe too commercial, though.
GC = Loves it, but it’s an exact copy of his inspiration look, just with cheap scarves.
DM = Loves It? It’s beautiful, and I would definitely wear it, but it seems way too safe for the UNCONVENTIONAL materials challenge. In what world are scarves not conventional garments?

Kara

MJ = Loves it. It retains the qualities of the original $0.99 materials yet still looks cohesive. It’s bordering on slutastic perhaps, and what’s with the hat?
GC = Loves it? On a woman with curves… That girl looks even blockier. I like the hat; it’s a slutty day on 8th Ave.
DM = Loves It. It’s sophisticated and detailed. I think the fit of the skirt could have been a bit better, but nice overall.

Kenley

MJ = Loves it. Who knew, Kenley? This is all kinds of great. It’s dish drying rack meats retro-futuristic flight attendant. What the hell is going on with the crease in the white fabric? I don’t fucking care.
GC = Loves it. Hates her. It’s cute, and it’s totally a spaceship flight attendant. I am surprised I like it at all considering she is so whiny.
DM = Loves It. It’s not very wearable, but it’s very interesting to look at, and despite the stiffness of the materials it’s very flattering on the model. Sidenote: I don’t care how whiny Kenley is, I love her and she’s always been one of my favorites!

Michael

MJ = Loves it. The black and white material strikes again, and it’s even better in this case? I love the symmetry and draping. It’s like a chandelier had sex with a wet dog.
GC = Loves it. Too bottom heavy, though. Maybe if it were tighter in the waist.
DM = Loves It. I don’t love it as much as April’s, but it’s beautiful. That silhouette is very timely with the 1920’s craze going on, but it still feels completely modern

Mila

MJ = Loves it. It’s austere and a little scary, which is what I want from Mila. Borders a little on the sci-fi costume side, but at least she got the styling right.
GC = Loves it. Where was I during her season? Its kooky and weird and too much…but it a good way!
DM = Hates It. I think if I move my head too fast while looking at the model, I’ll have a seizure. There is way too much going on here. I’m a little disappointed, because while I don’t usually like Mila’s aesthetic, I did like her inspiration look for this challenge. It was much cleaner and sophisticated than the challenge look.

Mondo

MJ = Hates it. It’s lovely but boring. It’s too perfect, if that’s a thing. Just kidding…loves it!
GC = Likes it? It’s cute, and I would totally wear it, but its too clazzy for this challenge.
DM = Loves It? Mondo is my favorite designer on this show, hands down, but I expected more from him. All in all, it’s not bad. The skirt could definitely have used some work, and the two bows were just too much. One would have been fine. Oh no! I think I actually Hates It.

Rami

MJ = Hates it? Loves Rami, for sure, but this dress reminds me of a plastic grocery cart — the kind you see old ladies dragging around on Sunday mornings.
GC = LOVES IT. I love it because it’s made of homeless person rice paper bags from Chinatown and is tailored in a way that makes it look UES.
DM = Loves It? It’s beautifully crafted, and it looks amazing on the runway, but the material is just a little too shiny for my taste. The plastic feel to all of it makes it seem too cold.

Sweet P

MJ = Hates it. Sorry…she’s delightful, but this is heinous. Who is wearing this? What is going on with the belts? Why is the color-blocking so disheveled?
GC = Hates it. Side-Bun-Phony-Pony. I like her, but the only thing this outfit needs is “Juicy” across the ass.
DM = Hates It. Oh dear god, how did she not get sent home for this? It’s boring and cheap and ugly! Nothing about this is good. The colors don’t make any sense and what’s up with the S&M belt collar?

Other Thoughts:

Why are they all crying that Valentino sent them a personalized message? He didn’t say their names. He just used the generic grouping of “All Stars.” It was probably recorded before these “all starts” were even picked.

Why did everyone seem so bored? I need for them to turn on each other.

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