American Horror Story: Episode 11

At last, the American Horror Story Christmas Spectacular! Jokes.

If ghost-sperm are viable, then I think ghost-eggs would be too. Sure, it would be a nontraditional birth, but that’s not for a lack of available physicians.

Hmmm…this is a good point. Hayden says she can’t get pregnant, but what is that based on? Why is Tate so fertile? Was it Halloween? Maybe that would make a difference.

I can’t definitively say (and sadly there is not an invention that would let me watch old episodes to verify), but I’m pretty sure that was the premiere and not the Halloween episode. It was at least 6 months ago.

—–

I have a follow-up question to last week’s episode: Now that we definitively know how the Murder House-bound ghosts are affected by crossing the property line, how was Hayden able to remain in the back of Morris Chestnut’s squad car for at least several blocks? Continuity!

Halloween: she was in the car as the sun was rising on November 1st, and as soon as it did: she vanished! Also, I guess Morris Chestnut is just done? This leads me to believe he was only on the show to provide wank material for Ryan Murphy/Tammy Taylor/All of America.

Ahh, gotcha. That makes more sense now. I would love to disagree, but yah, why did he suddenly disappear? It’s not like the security system no longer functions nor is reporting intruders left and right.

—–

During the nursery decorating scene, it occurred to me that this show could conceivably exist on the ghosts alone. They would save on sets, that’s for sure.

Yam stamps! Quinto is such an industrious ghost. Yes, I do believe the show could exist on ghosts alone, and that leads me to my big questions for the future of the show: Does Dylan McDM decide to kill himself and stay with his family, stay alive but with his family, or get the f out of the murder house? If he does kill himself, can we see a show in which every season brings a new family/owner to Murder House? I kind of like the idea of shifting the show to be about the ghost dynamic, but I actually think Burny Face and Constance (and we thought Violet) worked so well because they are in Murder House world, but still have one foot in “reality” as well.

Hmm, on the one hand I want to say that DMcDM should kill himself because, natch, he’s horrible, but that would obviously mean he’s stuck in the house. I suppose any hope of him committing suicide and ridding the audience of a terrible character is gone now that he (I hope?) understands that deaths that occur in MH result in perpetual haunting. I highly doubt he will flee. It’s more likely he’ll have another affair that will be murdered by combo Connie/Hayden. And then a ghastly threesome? Foursome?

Ryan Murphy must have mommy issues. I am just now coming to terms with this.

—–

I like Quinto’s plan! I routinely try to imagine a way to prevent a kitten from fully growing up (like by depriving it of vital nutrients?…I’m actually a really good father) and wonder why no one has bred a miniature cat.

Yeah, Constance pretended to be appalled at this idea, but I think she was secretly impressed by the concept. I LOVED the Quinto/Lange act-off that happened in the nursery.

Yah, and the writers gave her a number of excellent lines before succumbing to the inevitable “the gays” remark. It was a fun scene.

—–

The “paramagnetic grip” I assume is a portmanteau of “paranormal” and “magnetic.” We are delving into dangerous, technobabble territory here. I’m not so sure I need an explanation of MH in such a pseudo-scientific way. Nevertheless, this is canon, so I believe there must be a physical source somewhere. Or not? It wasn’t a very helpful explanation either way.

Boo, hiss. The medium is easily my least favorite character. I totally blanked out when she was talking and just admired the Tiffany cabinets.

“You see, the ghost of Louis Comfort was verrrrrry angry with the 1920’s doctor [hrm, note to self: learn that spirit’s name…it comes up a lot] because in a fit of baby-rage he smashed a priceless chandelier one afternoon in 1942.”

—–

With little evidence I will just go ahead and hypothesize that the “alpha fetus” is in fact, Dermot’s, because Dermot is the worst.

Speaking of babies: I don’t think the first one was still-born, do you? I think the Dr. handed it off to his wife. A classic Baby Stealin’ move.

Baby-stealin’ and baby-dealin’, that’s for sure. Yah, I agree. I would think nothing less after Tammy asks whether it is/was a girl or a boy, and without answer the newborn is handed off. Sloppy seconds?

—–

“Spirits do not follow our physical laws.” They do a little bit.

—–

ROANOKE! Ugh, the medium refers to it as the “ghost colony” when I’ve only ever heard or read it described as the “lost colony,” since the inhabitants mysteriously vanished one winter and left very few clues as to their whereabouts. In fact, it’s one of the coolest parts of North Carolina history. Yet, I’m proud to be included in the lore? CROATOAN! Doesn’t it make you want to winter in the Outer Banks? We could frolic with the wild horses and sing Rolling Stones songs.

CROATOAN! I loved that this was a thing, though I wonder if people not from NC thought it was silly as we do? Also, everyone who went to 4th/8th grade in NC knows that the tree was simply carved with “CRO.” You finally got your Indian=supernatural moment though!

Oh, you’re right! “CROATOAN” was a possible interpretation of the tree carving. I forgot. They imagined that the Roanoke inhabitants were either/simultaneously conquered by and/or intermingled (see: did it) with the Croatoan natives.

Yeah, aren’t they the Lumbee Indians now? I like to annoy my family by not remembering the story with the Lumbee Indians and claiming that they aren’t actually Indians, and made the whole thing up. I guess that is really offensive, but entertaining! Did you know Heather Locklear is part Lumbee? I digress…

—–

I was waiting for a gratuitous close-up of MCTCB’s (Mrs. Coach Taylor Connie Britton) abdomen showing devil horns pressing against her skin. We were all expecting horns, am I right?

Yeah, I didn’t get a good look at the baby, but was definitely expecting some kind of disfigurement.

—–

There is an odd discontinuity where Dermot drives up with MCTCB in the van in daytime, then when we return approximately 90 seconds later it’s dusk. This serves primarily to make the birthing scene occur in the dark…for no apparent reason. Why couldn’t the lights be turned on? And is Dermot on drugs during the birthing? I’m sure childbirth is, you know, alarming…but he seems to accept the nurse and doctor ghosts incredibly quickly. Um, ambulance much?

Well, I’ve never given birth, but this was pretty much how I imagine it, so…

—–

“Zachary Quinto nooooo,” I seriously thought to myself! I think Quinto and not-Eric Northman could eventually work it out. Love finds a way.

I know, I actually feel bad for him. I wonder though, maybe Travis will get involved with Eric? I mean, he’s an actor, so bi right?

Nothing’s impossible I suppose. What would their dates be like, though? Eating brains over a romantic child-lit dinner?

HAHAHAHAHA!

But I was secretly hoping the Carolinian voodoo chant would work.

—–

What has MCTCB’s acting career come to? I’m saddened but not surprised she wasn’t nominated for a Golden Globe this year. There’s been an equal ratio of screaming/crying : acting chops. Yikes, then she dies! Who will there be to make more babies? These ghosts are very short-sighted, to make an understatement.

Yeah, she totes should have gotten a nomination. BUT, I actually think this could be a good opportunity to turn her character around: now that she’s dead, she can do whatever the she wants like the rest of them. I would like to see some serious Hayden/Tammy smack downs. Also, revenge on Tate!

Followed by a Tate redemption story?

—–

Was there a freeze-frame ending on the version you watched? Because it was very Degrassi/Are you afraid of the dark? for me, and not in a good way.

I don’t think the TV version had this, though I can’t remember. Did you see the video that someone made of every Degrassi freeze-frame? It was pretty epic.

You mean this? It goes there.

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