Once Upon a Time: Episode 5

Remember how this show is still on the air? Yeah, me neither. Apparently, America is really enjoying this show (which to me, is not a good sign) and it is trudging along with a loyal following…I assume of little girls, gay boys and soccer moms.

So, this episode picks up with the formation of a huge sinkhole in Storybrooke. This development coincides with the main heroine (you know, the one who will save the world but keeps getting arrested by the Evil Queen?) well, now she is a Deputy. Apparently, the decision to stay and help this town means the Queen’s curse is going to break — hence, the sinkhole which is hiding a lower level of mystery.

That is basically the whole plot that will take a good 42 minutes to flesh out. So the writers, brilliant as they are, decided to once again tell us the back story on a character — this time Jiminy Cricket, whom, while under the curse, is now a therapist.

I feel like yada yada yada-ing all over this episode. It has a slower pace than my sex life and it’s getting more ridiculous by the day (also like my sex life…zing!). Allow me to briefly list the plot points in this episode that sucked:

  • The Mayor/Evil Queen has tons of power, like the power to make the unilateral decision to blow up a sink hole that has swallowed up her son and his therapist. I assume she just used her Magical Engineering degree or referenced that class on pyrotechnics. Did they have Advanced Math in Narnia? Don’t fucking blow things up and expect everything to turn out awesome.
  • Lady Heroine, who has an extensive arrest history and who was working as a Bail Bondsperson has been granted the privilege of working for law enforcement. I guess they just give a badge to whoever hangs around the jail the most. Does she get a gun? Does she have real power? How about training of any kind? Yes, Yes and No. Sweet.
  • The Jiminy back-story was mostly about crickets. No, really, there was a cricket in a cage, tons of cricket noises, and then for some reason, after a a star-based wish, he chooses to be a cricket. Ugh. It was tedious. And loud.

You know, there are more things that annoy me, but I feel like I have already put more thought into this review than the writers put into this episode. So, I am not sure how much longer I want to waste my valuable time watching this show. But, DAMMIT, I just want to know which other story book characters they try to reimagine. Curse my curiosity.

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One thought on “Once Upon a Time: Episode 5

  1. […] made for him. I mean, I vaguely remember there being an actual episode about him, but I had to read my own re-cap to refresh my memory…something about Jiminy not wanting to be a criminal, turning people […]

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