Glee: Season 3, Episode 6

I just want to warn you all, this is going to be a very Shelby-heavy episode. Idina Menzel is amazing; it is a shame that she is on this show.

Remember how she kissed Puck, like, three episodes ago and we never once addressed it? Well, I am thinking this would be a good plot line to further develop.

Won’t we just drop it in the next episode?

Of course, but that lack of accountability is what keeps us fresh! We might even be able to keep her around for a bit — maybe we make a former show choir coach competent enough to substitute teach? That is a thing, right?

I also got some great feedback on the last show with how many songs we used. I think we should keep that up. Apparently people like it when people sing on a show about songs.

I am going to write a song in before the opening Glee title.

Shut up, wow! Hey…someone is missing? Where is the guy we hired to write all of Sue Sylvester’s scathing remarks?

Ryan Murphy had him fired for being too straight.

Yeah, that makes sense. Well, we will try our best, but I have a feeling that now Sue is going to sound lame. Her jokes will be ridiculous and uncoordinated.

Maybe we throw in a poop joke. Baboons. Donkey Brides. Automobile Rape. Do something with those.

Oh my Gods, I have the best idea! You know how we can add double the songs but keep the same amount of time for spoken words? MASH UPS!!

Which songs should we use for these mash ups?

This is always super hard…the need to fit into the show’s themes…nope, that is too hard. We will pick the songs first and just kind of play around with the plot. Just start shouting out performers!

Lady Gaga

Crystal Gayle

Hall & Oates

Pat Benatar

Adele

Wait!! Who said Adele!! I loves it, ugh, I just got a song boner. Which songs?

Turning Tables?

Nope….we already did that one…

Rolling in the Deep?

Nope…did that one too. Well, whatever, pick those other two that play all the time and smash ’em together. We will make it work.

I love that song about rumors….you know, that one that says the phrase “rumor has it” about 700 times. We should subtly make that song reflect a rumor on the show. Any ideas? No one…okay, we will revisit.

You know what has been bothering me this season. How much I really hate these actors. You remember how I invented “slushies” just so those spoiled auto-tuned divas would have to get ice water to the face? Well, let’s do something like that again.

How about some balls to the face?

Well, this is FOX, not FX, so no scrotal sacks or full on male genitals.

NO, god, shut up! I meant baseballs or something. Just…never mind, I will write it myself.

If you write the word “slap” into the script, do you think the actor-monkey would just do it.

Oh, that would be hilarious…just write it…write it in!!

You know, the last episode was really gay male heavy. And straight couple heavy. After all that virgin sex — which by the way, we should not address at all this week — I feel like we have been ignoring a key demographic lately.

You mean, the lesbians?

Yeah, let’s kick this lesbian thing up a notch. Santana is a gorgeous Portia de Rossi-type lesbian. Also, we have been dragging this thing out for quite a while…almost a whole season. Santana coming out will be more like Karofsky and less like Kirk. I want her to get all Lesbian Lima Heights Adjacent.  I am sure it won’t kick up too much controversy. Maybe that rumor could be about her. Oh god…story line boner!

We need to address more issues. Adoption, cougars, musical instruments, Irish Jokes.

You know, we have some great songs, some great drama happening, I don’t want to over-do it. Let’s really focus and pound out this episode because it has the potential to be actually entertaining and poignant. We can really grow with some of these characters…so…I guess what I am saying is let’s not fuck this up.

But we probably will fuck it up, though, right?

Not this time, friend…not this time….oh, no wait…yeah…we totally will.

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