Glee: Season 3, Episode 4

There’s baby-swapping, Sue Sylvester is conniving to gain more power so that she can in some way ruin the Glee Club, there’s a rival singing/performing group that bleeds said club dry, Brittany and Kurt try to out-ridiculous each other, and Mr. Shue has nothing close to an entertaining arc.

So yep, lot’s of new ground to cover on this week’s Writers Room!

Say, remember that reality competition singing show from this summer that was sadly quite a failure?

The one where we couldn’t pick a winner and awarded 4 contestants the prizes? Yah, I remember. Wasn’t there a cute Irish boy on it? Who couldn’t act.

Yah, that’s the one. Since we’re largely incapable of writing at this point, should we just shoehorn him in as an Irish exchange student, complete with green attire?

People, people. Calm down. First of all, yes obviously we will clothe him in green only. To do otherwise would be grossly negligent. Secondly, we will exploit this opportunity as a chance to throw in some nearly naughty references to leprecahn-on-coed sex jokes.

I agree, but we should also jam in an Obama joke within the same breath for no reason.

Brittany’s “pot-of-gold” exists, but it is a literal gold-filled pot.

What’s the best way to convince a woman with incredible bone structure into letting you take care of her child? Maybe insinuate that her face is busted by gifting her concealor.

For sure.

How best to personify the angry, laid-off, powerless masses….think, think. Angry fat black woman who throws a brick through a window?

Race card?

Alls I know is we cannot let the credits end without having a meeting in Principal Figgins office in which Sue and Shue battle over some ridiculous budgetary/control issue somehow involving singing and dancing. Surely these people do not have time to teach. And that’s the way I C IT.

Only Jane Lynch can do that.


I love where we are going with this whole malcontent Glee members defect to new singing group of the week plot line, and certainly my criticism isn’t that it’s anything but incredibly innovative and definitely nothing like we’ve done before — but wouldn’t the characters logically realize that as more and more defect to the other group, that’s less and less space available for solos and more to the point, stars? You know, the whole point of the other group…

What is this logik you speak of?

I love all of these quirky little things we have Quinn doing to Idina Menzel to win back her baby, but none of them are technically illegal. Plus, just because she’d be labeled an unfit mother doesn’t mean that Quinn and Puck would suddenly be given custody. Sure, these are [27 year old actors portraying] teenagers, but they wouldn’t be that naive, right? Plus, she’d clearly use the much more common term “Botox” rather than “baby botulism,” especially since we’re referring to that specific case where the mother allegedly gave her young child the cosmetic dru…


[The writer topples over in his chair, his face planting firmly in his pizza Marguerite. Stunned, the room falls silent. As a roasted tomato slowly slides out of the gaping mouth of a nearby writer, Ryan Murphy dashes into view amidst a blurry, metallic haze. He catches the tomato it with an oddly pleasantly long tongue.]

Hello — shli shli shli — everyone. I heard there was pizza and thought I would — shli shli shli — drop by. Just so there is no confusion later — shli shli shli — there needs to be way more gay in this episode. Specifically of the heartwarming aww my dad’s so nice but gruffly sort of believable variety. Shli shli shli.

[Just as another writer notices an acrid odor — that of a dozen 9-volt batteries exploding in a microwave — Ryan Murphy’s slippery black eel-mobile crashes through the third story meeting room, collects him with its robotic talons, and transports him to the set of American Horror Story.]

There’s something…something we’re missing on this show. Think, think. It’s on the tip of my tongue. It’s like, the whole reason for this show existing…maybe?

Singing. The word you are looking for is “singing.”

Oh yes. Thank you. Let’s throw in a totally forgettable and silly Muppet song.

Because that makes sense.

And people know/love it.


Speaking of, are we allowed to skip any Katy Perry single? Preferably starring Darren Cri$$, and preferably a few months old.

Does Arty wish for nothing more than control of his reproductive organs? I’ll say!

That’s racist.

Should Mr. Hummel appear anywhere other than his auto shop or the school?

Sets, sets are hard!

Remember when we wrote Puck as a misunderstood, rough guy who’s occasional singing provided charming insight into his character?

Yah, but then I thought of parting his mohawk!


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