Food Torture Porn

Occasionally…OK, very often…Eats Meats West will accumulate miscellaneous sets of excessively close-up, unhelpful, or otherwise just plain bizarre photographs from various cooking adventures. Generally, the goal was to inform the reader, but somewhere along the way we lost our focus…and well, they come off as more than just a little horrifying. So we present to you here, those disastrous images that have fallen through the cracks.

First up (image above) we have a ridiculously zoomed-in photo of chicken breasts ready to be seared. I suppose in a forward-thinking sense, these aren’t unappetizing because we know what they’ll become. Now, however, they’re disgusting bordering on dangerous. It’s sort of like the uncanny valley — that point where a human-resembling robot goes from being simply lifelike to oh god the horror make it stop.

Next up is a somewhat innocuous shot of a marinade, which we include only to point out the insane quantity of ingredients. Why so many?! Make it stop! No one can taste this!

And finally we come to the infamous jalapeno poppers. Why are they lined up like this? Well, to be fair, I didn’t want the cheese to completely melt away, so I constructed this foil structure. The result, though, conjures up something between bullets and phalluses. Lovely! J said this was one of the worst things I’d ever cooked, by the way, because they were insanely hot and took 2 years off his stomach’s life.

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