We have a list of things we need to include in this episode per Ryan Murphy himself. On the agenda: Asian jokes, fat jokes, ginger jokes…
So you mean — all the things that make our characters unique and accessible to our audience are exactly the things we are going to use as jokes?
Yup, it is just like high school. So down to business. The race for school president!
You know, that position in high school that carries absolutely no power and that no one cares about ever. We are making it a main point this season, so prepare yourself. Brittany is running!
When I think of Brittany, I think about how we should use her to get more straight male viewers. We should give her some song about empowerment and womanhood BUT dress her like a methed-out prostitute.
Of course, make a poop joke and then have her gyrate around like she is going reverse cowgirl on an invisible dick.
I am all thick and empowered just thinking about it.
Aren’t you gay?
Yeah, gay not dead.
How we working on the fat jokes?
We have some about lazy sleepy fatties, fatties eating so much it makes them ill, a fatty eating while talking, and a male fatty eating 7 burgers at once.
Is that male the same one dating Mercedes? I can never remember.
I will write him in a mustache.
Awesome. Perhaps he can be supportive and loving of his partner. I want to make it painfully clear to the young female viewers out there that no matter how fierce and confident Mercedes has been in the past, nothing compares to the love of a good man.
And put her in hats. Ugly hats. Take all of the hats that Kurt would never wear, and make Mercedes wear them.
Don’t forget to write in a black attitude explosion. Lots of head shaking and yelling and finger waggling.
Any other minor characters we need to focus on this week?
Other Asian. He needs to dance and maybe sing this episode. Can his parents please have buck teeth and wear those rice paddy hats?
I know we don’t do casting, but I would really like for Ming-na to play Dancing Asian’s mom.
No, we have used our one celebrity connection this week to bully Gwenyth Paltrow into getting us the rights to a Coldplay song.
End the show reminding everyone that it is all about Rachel, curry, Asian F, ghost parents, Ginger supremacy, praying, Breadstix, and emotive dancing. High five, team. We have another winner.
Same time next week?
You know it.