The Drunken Movie Critic: Tangled

Gone. Dashed are the dreams I once had of voicing a character in a Disney movie. At first it was because, with the invention of Pixar, animated movies stopped being musicals, but now it is because the term ‘voice actor’ has been replaced with ‘any actor — hopefully famous, singing skills not required’. So, while I have what I choose to describe as a classically Disney Princess singing voice, I can never show it to the world unless I am cast to be the singing voice while Angelina Jolie speaks the role.

Enough about me…let’s talk about Tangled. Thankfully, the Disney animated musical came back briefly in this tale about Rapunzel. You remember Rapunzel right? …that story about a girl with long hair who was kept in a tower, and the only way to access her is when she lets down her long hair. This ‘re-imagining’ of the Classic Brother’s Grimm tale was not wholly disappointing. With hilarious animal characters, princesses, evil stepmothers, I thought for one brief moment that my childhood was back. The innocence of a dutiful daughter mixed with the adult humor of a name like “the Stabbington Brothers” really caused a flood of joy in my heart.

But that joy was crapped on as the plot of the movie unfolded in front of me and I realized how desperately the writers were trying to make more of this story. They kept the baby theft, added some hooligans and a sassy horse but removed the blinding of the prince, left to wander the woods for weeks searching for Rapunzel.  Well, I guess I can see why they left out the Prince being thrown from the tower and getting his eyes poked out with thorns…but still.

The music and lyrics were not awful, the fact that the music involved Mandy Moore in any way made me want to kill myself.  It was like Disney wanted to get back into the classic animation technique, but instead of going balls out, they gently dipped their tow in the water with this movie.

See…you can tell I kind of liked it because I said “movie” instead of “cinematic abortion.”

So go see it.

Overall Rating- 79%

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