Liar Liar

The Central Nervous System is a complex and intricate thing. It controls every aspect of my body- pooping, walking, yawning,dreams, my sense of humor and even personality disorders like compulsive lying.

I do lie, friends, everyone does, but never has my compulsion made its way into my subconscious.

This morning, my alarm went off and I was not ready to go to work. I mean, for god’s sake, it was only 9am. I decided that I would rest for a little bit longer, and that is when you can have some crazy good dreams. For me, these dreams I usually vivid and often have familiar people and places and situations- when I wake up from one, I sometimes think that conversations in these dreams ACTUALLY HAPPENED. More than once I have mistakenly referenced a dream situation with a friend/lover/parent that has led to confusion or anger.
So there I was, limbo dreaming- dreaming a dream of the waking world, and in it, a friend was paralyzed from the neck down, no walking, no nothing. He has C5-C6 injury, it anyone is wondering and he was an incomplete quadriplegic. Then, next thing you know, I am in a car accident and I become a paraplegic because of a lumbar spine injury from my seatbelt- ONLY I AM NOT- no, I am laying in bed I think about it and decide I will not tell anyone that I can actually walk, just to play it out and see if the Neurosurgeons can tell I am faking it.

Nope, no one knows I am faking it. In fact, I end up going to court and making money and going to more lawyers to give that money away in some kind of account that is named after me. Everyone is totally sorry for me though, so I remind myself that I am not actually paralyzed and maybe, years later, it is time for me to make some kind of miraculous improvement in my leg region.

I decided upon lying again and saying that now, I have some muscle control and I can stand, but I cannot walk and do to walk I actually just grab the pant-leg and move myself around like a marionette? I add the question mark at the end of that sentence because I am pretty sure that that is not a thing…but whatever, brain, way to use all that medical knowledge and make my dreams look stupid.

At this point, my other paralyzed friend from earlier in this saga has joined a dating site for people in wheelchairs, and he has found the love of his life. I decide to join a different website because I am not really crippled, so I do. And one day, as I am in a convenience store, stand/leaning at a counter folding clothes, a guy comes in to meet me. We start talking and walking towards some stairs, the whore time he does not notice that I am lifting my legs with my pants. He lives above this convenience store (convenient!) but I have to tell him that I cannot go up, because I paralyzed. I find out he is a Neurosurgery Resident and he vows to fix me one day.

I am scared now, because this surgeon is planning a state of the art surgery to save my legs…but I am freaking out because I do not want to have surgery for no reason, so I try to concoct a plan about moving away and starting over…I think about moving and not talking to any of my friends or family again and just “walking” away from the whole situation. Then I think about telling everyone that it is fake and I was seeing how long I could pull it off as some kind of performance art project- I try to rationalize that faking paraplegia for a number of years, suing people, setting up trust funds, making my insurance pay for unnecessary physical therapy, having my entire house made wheelchair safe- all of that is just one step up from me wearing wigs in public and calling myself Chloe.

Then thank God, my phone rang…my real phone, not a dream phone and I was saved by the bell. Before I reached over to pick it up, I did spend a second making sure I could wiggle all my toes, but other than that, I think I left that dream mostly unscathed.


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