To Do List

I know that I have issues with sex that are too numerous and strange to mention, especially here…this is my blog not my livejournal…but still, as I read through the postings on Craig’s List personal ads, I could not but feel that I have been doing this sex thing all wrong.

I seldom look someone in the face and proclaim my need for intimate relations and the thought that someone can ask for sex through a Internet-based want ad confuses me. I mean, I want sex, but I feel that it is implied in a date or with drinks or at a movie theater or whenever a hot tub is present. Why would any skip all the fun of dating just to get naked, grind it, and then cry alone in the shower later? Yeah, I don’t get it…
Also, I have never, in the heat of passion with my most intimate partner ever asked him to fuck my ass or pee on me or nut in my face or pull my hair or fist my throat or do any number of ridiculous/trashy/hot things that these strangers are perfectly willing to beg for on The List. Maybe because I was raised in a traditional and shame-based Catholic household. I mean, I am not a prude, and I understand sex is supposed to be fun or something, but i do not think I could ask some dude “ram this dildo into me while filming it” without bursting into laughter or immediately shouting “JUST KIDDING”

Okay, now at this point, you may be asking yourself, “where is this sad little girl going with this”? Well, that is a great question. As first, I was focusing only on the people who post (The Freaks), and then my mind went straight to the people who answer (The Cum-Dumpsters)…but then, my crazy mind could only focus on one thing- how does one set this up and not get murdered.

Maybe it is because I have self respect or it could be debilitating mental illness, but I try not to put myself in situations that will end with me being raped by a plunger- and thus, I over think and plan and catastrophize every little moment in my life.

I will admit that for like, 7-9 seconds I really considered answering an ad on Craig’s List. It was in those seconds that these thoughts went through my head like a hurricane
-should it be at my place?
-no not my place, I have a roommate and that would be weird and i don’t want him to come to my place because then he will know where I live and he could be a total stalker or what if like, a whole gang of people show up and try to rob me? Or what if he comes here and he is gross and I change my mind and I want him to leave and he doesn’t leave? Also, you should not use your regular gmail account to get these emails because then he might steal your identity?
-so his place?
-if i did do that then I have to text the address to someone and let them know that if I do not call them in the morning to call the police and tell my parents that I love them because my god, who knows what I could be walking into- some guy could have a whole gang bang waiting or a hidden video camera so he can secretly tape us and then next thing you know there will be video of me all over the internet (and it will be unflattering- all money shot with balls just slapping away). I mean, what do I do if I get there and he has bad teeth or dirty fingernails? How do I politely tell him that no amount of God’s Honest Horny will ever let me put my mouth on that?
-what if he kills me?
-imagine the shame that my family will suffer if they find my cum-filled corpse floating in the East River! There will no doubt be a version of the incident on Law&Order. My face will be all over the television and the assholes at Fox News will break the story about my secret sex rendezvous. The perpetrator will never be found and the Burroughs will live in fear for the new Craig’s List Cum Kill-her.

I never did reply to any posts.

I think I need to find a fine line between being utterly alone and sleeping with strangers, and until then, I know that my sweet sweet brain meats will keep me safe from all the danger out there.


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