No Man is an Island

I am a shameless know it all. I admit it and I am not ashamed of it. I love to spend my days knowing worthless facts and random tidbits because who knows, it might be the one thing that wins pub trivia. I do not learn these things to shove knowledge in anyone’s face, but I often find myself as a resource to those who question if Mongolia is a real country or wonder if a cat’s purr comes from the

As i start each day, I never know where my internet hunting will take me, what links I will follow and what clarifying terms i will google. Indeed, this is a great era, where answers are only keystrokes away. I should not be surprised then, when throughout a series of mundane circumstances, I should happen upon an article accusing a small island with a population of 47 people, of massive counts of child rape.

Please, let me explain.
I love geography and often, instead of paying any attention at all the patient strapped to the operating table, I play a geography game. Sure, the patient may need a blood transfusion or an implant opened…and that is all great and good, but in the mean time, I am bored and provides free games that makes each day I am alive a little less shitty.

These games get me through the day. A friend showed me the website years ago, and now I am hooked. This game highlights a country and then you must type in the name of that country- and it is timed and spelling counts (Azerbaijan? Djibouti?)…so …yeah…it is hard.

I did not start out as some amazing geography savant, indeed, the first step to the game is correctly selecting the country when asked- it is at this step when one can read a blurb about the country (exports, history, which STDs started there…etc). I always skipped this part- like any addict, I needed a fix, and this history of who settled who and what language got sent where was useless to me. But now, years later, I have memorized every country and beaten my own personal best time AND I have correctly identified all the major rivers. It is only now that I debased myself with reading a little about these countries I had spent years mapping- think of it like running out of weed and now you are forced to scrape your bowl for resin. It is exactly like that.

I chose the islands of Oceania. I know what you are thinking…huh? Well- google it, bitch. You will find New Zealand out there and pretty much every island country on which Survivor has ever filmed (Tuvalu, Vanuatu Palau, etc) . I was reading the usual blurbs about the indigenous peoples being eradicated with small pox or learning cover their baby-making junk by missionaries, until I got the tiny place known as Pitcairn Island.

Does this ring a bell? For some (like my dad) it might- for those that don’t, here is a synopsis
-sailors don’t want to sail anymore so they mutiny and send their captain off in a tiny boat stealing the ship the HMS Bounty
-they kidnap some fine Tahitian poon and take it with them to this tiny little island
-they burn their boat and sever all ties to Britain and those 30 people live happily ever after

Well, the next blurb on the screen discussed how, at the last census, the island’s inhabitants totaled a mere 47 (estimate). That is right, estimate. god forbid, someone on the census committee missed someone who was pooping on this 18.1 square mile island. Pitcairn has a claim to fame in being the least populated sovereign territory in the world.

I was impressed that this little child’s website would be so detailed about all this history. As I scrolled down to the last paragraph I read “There are allegations of a long history and tradition of sexual abuse of girls as young as 10 and 11” which lead to a long drawn out court hearing of 13 of the male citizens (including the mayor).

Now, we need to notice 3 important points
1- This has combined my love of geography with my love of talking
about rape. I don’t expect you to understand this..i know it is
weird, but whatever.
2- This is a child’s website. Yes, the world maps are hard, but it is
also designed in bright colors and has little baby animals on every page.
3- Wikipedia is the best website ever. E.V.E.R. There is nothing that
you cannot search for, no matter how obscure.

So, here I was, engrossed in this ridiculous article when another
nurse had quietly come in behind me. Like a ninja, she had silently
positioned herself over my shoulder and was reading right along with me. I do not know how long she had been there, but she clearly did not see my progression from website to website in my perilous search for answers. I only realized that she was there when I heard her read aloud “a woman alleged that she had been raped twice as a school girl wait…and she had been a virgin …Why are you reading this?”

I was so mad that my quest for knowledge was being judged by this woman, with her arms crossed and a stare that meant she thought I might be dangerous. I was a little embarrassed that she had seen me reading this, but I honestly had nothing to be embarrassed about. Dare I try to explain to her what I had been doing? Could she understand that I just wanted to learn more about this random tiny island made up of ex-mutineers and pedophiles? I said the only thing that I could.

“It’s a long story…”


One thought on “No Man is an Island

  1. Jerch says:

    Of all the original Funny Nurse posts, this one arguably sparked the most “dialogue,” so I’d be remiss not to repost those colorful bits as well:

    Herbert Ford said…
    Well, if you can get 18 plus square miles out of an island (Pitcairn) that is actually one mile wide by less than two miles long you’re doing better than I can.
    And, please note the word “allegations” about the “long history and tradition” of early-age sex that brought 6 (not 13) Pitcairn men to a quite brief (not “long drawn out”) trial. Allegations are one thing, truth quite another.
    – Herbert Ford, Director, Pitcairn Islands Study Center –
    January 29, 2010 9:18 AM
    Jerch said…
    This post has been removed by the author.
    March 21, 2010 9:03 PM
    Jerch said…
    I agree with Mr. Ford on many counts. First of all, who are you to say that Pitcairn is or is not an island? Is it or is it not perhaps a peninsula? An isthmus? An archipelago? A cay? An islet? Your atoll-bias is apparent and unbecoming, to be frank. Second of all, shouldn’t you have quoted Carmen Sandiego as your source, as she most obviously provided the bulk of your argument/style? Any reader conversant in her geographic bias would have picked her tone out of your rhetoric with ease. Where in the world do you get off disguising your anti-rape bias in such an obviously fake colorful yet admittedly educational social science slant? What you lack in taste you more than make up in poor research. Get your facts straight, Funny Nurse.
    March 21, 2010 9:05 PM

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