Tooth Fairy

I ate my tooth.
well…part of my tooth.

Okay, so I think the story starts with Harry Potter. It may have more to do with the liquor i drank at the midnight showing. While some pseudo-adults planned by constructing a beak for their Hedwig costume or buying a toilet seat to accent their Moaning Myrtle- I mixed the perfect blend of Ketel One and Crystal Light to smuggle in.
So, drink drink drink I did. And as I was sitting stationary the entire time I did not realize how drunk I had become. At the end of the movie, as Nick wiped away his tears, I stood up and instantly felt the urge to pass out on the sticky theatre floor. I bumped into a House Elf.

After the dangerous ride home (No, I was not drunk driving but Nick was driving like he wanted to angrily kill everyone in the car), I stumbled up the stairs and passed out in my guest bedroom. And I passed out without brushing my teeth. What a whore.

I wake up, bright and early at 1013 the next morning. I feel my mouth, every tooth covered in fur, the smell of ass on my breath. Instead of brushing my teeth, I made toast. Delicious.

A bad habit I have from my brace-wearing youth is that I run my tongue along every surface of my teeth, looking for gross food particulate that wants to find a place to settle in. Then I felt it. My tongue has been caressing these pearly whites for 25 years and it knows when something is wrong. And something was very wrong. Half my molar was missing.

It didn’t hurt, it wasn’t sensitive to hot/cold/semen. I looked in the mirror and it was a tiny chip off the back molar. So I did what any woman would do. I freaked out. I started crying. I called my dentist and made an emergency appointment with my dentist inMebane. I made frantic phone calls to friends and family.

The entire car ride I was rubbing my tongue along my tooth like an autistic person (I was going to make some joke about my tongue being a tongue and my tooth being aclit, but I never could get the wording right…).

I sat in that cold Dentist chair and had the x-rays and the cleaning- then in walked Dr.Modlin (I LOVE HIM, he is the best dentist, I will never stray from him again.). He poked around deep in my mouth with his tool (zing) and after about 3 minutes told me I would be just fine, that it was a tiny piece of enamel. No cap, no crown, no bonding. Nothing, I was fine. I just looked up at his up-side-down face and said….so I ate my tooth? He laughed and told me that it would pass no problem. How reassuring.


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