Did someone say something about tying up loose ends as quickly as possible? Goodbye, Russell Edgington. You were surely the funnest villain in recent memory on True Blood. Well, Michelle Forbes was maybe more exciting. You were up there, though. I kind of wanted Russell to eat all of the fairies. All of them.
And while I’m making requests, let’s petition for Stephen Moyer to be staked. You read that right. Continue reading
It’s the second to last episode of another season of True Blood, which means every new character and plotline that haven’t already been called off must be crammed into as few minutes of onscreen time as possible.
Let’s list all of the ball-trippingest new elements we are hoping are never mentioned again:
Let’s discuss Lilith. Continue reading
In the “previously on True Blood” segment my husband takes time to point out just how overpowered the vampires are in this universe. Can the werewolves, shifters, slutty faeries, or whatever Lafayette is ever truly compete? I don’t know if anyone else recognizes the character actor Sookie chopsticks to death in the intro, but I will always remember him as the lovable Phlox on Enterprise. Live long and prosper. I love how Sookie is so used to piles of blood in her home that she doesn’t bother to clean it up. Point of order: is it illegal [from the humans' perspective] for a vampire to turn a human? We can assume not, since there’s not been a mention of any sort of investigation into who bit whom.
Blergh! Let’s discuss the rest of this bloody mess of an episode in true Am I tripping balls fashion… Continue reading
Ugh, the Authority. More of the Authority. Didn’t have enough I suppose! As the “previously on” segment reminds us, we’ve spent way too much True Blood time on the relationship between Eric and his apparent vampire sister — whose name does actually escape me at the moment. What about more time spent on Eric’s relationship with Pam? Are Eric and Bill still technically prisoners? Yes and no? I lament the decision to focus this season around the inner workings of vampire politics and religion. But then wow, a very rare full frontal male nudity! I’m very surprised. I thought this was Blood and Booby Hour.
Tripping Balls?
LITERALLY
“For the first time in a decade I ate a child!” I have to say that I just love everything about the Authority vampires getting high and indulging on humans. “I need a baby. Lilith wants me to eat a baby.”
But I know you too well, True Blood, you’ll take this glorious campy violence and ruin it with melodrama and plot twists. And sure enough, Bill switches back to reason with little more than a glance from Eric. Are we supposed to like Bill? We see him in flashback letting his daughter die rather than vampirify her. Does he ever try not to be evil? Not that it matters, since he changes motivations seriously multiple times per episode.
Which brings us to the weekly “Am I tripping balls?” segment of this recap… Continue reading
In typical True Blood form, this episode opens with an interesting if entirely confusing scene, immediately following Chris Meloni’s death. There is some business with light (UV light?), darkness (safe?), a “protocol,” and the [human] vampire guards. I was super confused and had to watch it again. Was the protocol activated automatically, and if so how? By the staking? There was a brief countdown during which it appeared the Authority people knew to crouch down. Was the light horizontal? I’m confused how crouching in place was helpful to them. Wouldn’t Russell figure that out and do the same thing? It’s been made abundantly clear that he’s supremely powerful, yet he’s caught by a silver net fired from a single [human?] guard.
But then at the end of the episode, right before all of the vampires meth out on Lilith’s blood, it seems like just anyone who’s in the building gets to be in the room with Russell. So they’re all in on it? But then why did the guards freak out and net Russell, seemingly at their command? OK, so they weren’t all in on it initially, but now they are? Or they might be, and this is their time to take a stand? Did Salome have one-on-ones with all of them in scenes we missed? I really do feel like the writers are dicking with us at this point, but we always forgive them because they pepper insane violence here and there.
In case you can’t already tell, watching this episode made me super trip balls… Continue reading
Finally, vampires fighting werewolves! Sookie microwave fingering Russell! Not to mention Alcide shirtless within the first five minutes. But twist! Bill glamours him into always protecting Sookie whilst simultaneously being disgusted by her.
Ahh, True Blood.
Did we know Sookie could unglamour people, by the way? Apparently Eric didn’t. Or he did and was just having fun? It would have been fun to see Alcide recoil in horror a few more times, but this is True Blood, and plot points must be dismissed as immediately as possible. And let me just say that I do not need yet another scene where Alcide argues with yet another hick would-be pack master. Doesn’t it seem like they are always in a barn or outside surrounded by beat-up cars? They might want to try renting out a bowling alley.
On to the main event: Am I tripping balls?
I would like to know why Sookie doesn’t have a more distinct faerie smell. Does she have special magic deodorant? If so she should talk to her relatives. I would also like to know why we don’t have Ryan Kwanten butt in every episode.
But this is probably asking too much of True Blood: that show you sometimes watch because it has all those sexy vampires, but then you forget it makes no sense most of the time, and it seems to both jump forward in time yet linger on the same boring plot lines. Then you watch it and realize the smoke monster from Lost is finally getting back into asking and just have to ask yourself:
Am I tripping balls right now? Continue reading
I know I’ve said this before, but you could seriously just watch the “previously, on True Blood” segments in consecutive order and avoid having to watch a full episode. Emphasis on “avoid.” And yet, this is the fourth episode, and about nothing has happened.
But fear not! BTYM is here to digest, poop out, regurgitate, poop out again, then finger paint the latest episode of your sort of maybe kind of a few times if you think about it in this one way favorite vampiric dramedy.
Oh fuck it I’m tripping balls aren’t I? Continue reading
